My First Date

Here I am, all dressed up, waiting for my date, Sam. Lowering my guard and letting myself be vulnerable once again. He seems perfect from the outside. He’s a perfect 5 feet 11, with a healthy looking body and killer eyes. Wonder how he turns out to be.

There he is, aw! With a cute bunch of daisies, that’s so sweet (Roses would have been a definite over kill). Me, a tinge nervous, we head off to ‘The Appleton Bistro’. That’s where he’s taking me today.

He talks nice; I am coming to really like him. And he’s genuinely happy to have me with him. Is it his eyes or is it the wine? One of them is definitely working on my senses.

Food is served and is good. I let Sam do the ordering for me and now as we speak of food, I now know we share common tastes. Food is getting tastier by the minute. Half the decision of what you eat is good or not depends on your company. If you are alone at a restaurant, food tastes like sawdust. If your company (be it friend, family or just anybody) is a sore talker, even gourmet meals can taste like feet. But if you have a great conversation going on, feet can taste like ‘Terrine de Poulet'!

We talked about so many things, from current affairs to the weather to sports (Thank God, only tennis!) to movies to family. One of the best conversations I’ve had in ages. I am not saying this coz he’s a good date. In fact what I like most about Sam is that he doesn’t fear my displeasure when contradicting or disagreeing with me. I like the fact that he didn’t patronize me, which would have been very phony.

I am so glad he’s a book person like me. We discussed Brown's ‘Da Vinci code’, Forsyth’s ‘Odessa file’, Crichton’s ‘Timeline’, Stephen King’s ‘Fire starter’ and even Mills&Boon’s!! Actually I was trying to convince him that it’s healthy reading the M&B’s of the 70’s & 80’s and definitely unhealthy reading those of today.

Dessert was ‘Tiramisu’ for me and ‘Crêpes Suzette with Raspberry sauce’ for him. Until now I was thinking that this date was going great and that it couldn’t get any better. That was until I learned that Sam played the guitar. I told him about my adoration for people who played the guitar. He said he’d play some favorites for me later someday. [So there is a ‘later’, that’s good!]

It was time for us to leave. I had work to get back to; otherwise I’d have wished this wouldn’t end...We took off from the bistro. On our way he said he had a wonderful time and couldn’t wait to do it again… the funniest part of it all was that he was holding my hands. Holding was fine; me letting him was the funny part. Coz I never let any one touch me. So I must really like this guy to be comfortable enough to let him take my hands in his. It was funny anyway and I couldn’t stop grinning once I realized that. He asked me why I was smiling like that, and I told him why. We had our first funny moment.

We reached my place & Sam walked me to the door, and asked me to wait for his call, which he added would be soon. Before he left, he gave a slight peck on my cheek.

That was a lovely first date, a near perfect!!

Disclaimer: The above article is a work of fiction, a sore attempt at creativity. The date, 'Sam' is fictitious, so is the ‘The Appleton Bistro’; Appleton – name of the guy in ‘Perfect Strangers’ and bistro coz John Grisham keeps using it in his books, moreover it somehow sounded classy! The daisies are from ‘You’ve got mail’. The ‘Tiramisu’ is from one of my countless luncheons with Nitin. And the rest of it is just words picked out from various books and sitcoms. But mostly importantly, my handicap is that I wasn't being realistic; like there is a guy with all the good qualities!!!! There, my first imaginary tale.

PS: would love to get feedback on my writing, you know, the tenses, narration and all. I think I've utterly failed trying to correct the narration.

Rush Rush

I was trying to avoid writing about songs so often, coz I didn’t want to bore anyone with what I think about them. But I can’t help it that songs play an important part in that my mind has a way which links these songs with incidents, people and circumstances. Here’s one more of them, when I heard Paula Abdul’s ‘Rush Rush’.

I started hearing this song around monsoon 2002. I wasn’t the one who played it. Marilyn did – in the mornings, while we were all getting ready to go to college. I didn’t like that song at all. I think what put me off were the lyrics. Marilyn pointed out the excellent part in the song with the violin. It was good. But still the lyrics put me off so much that I couldn’t quite enjoy it. She was puzzled as to what in the lyrics put me off. I thought it was a love song. No, no, not like Boyzone’s ‘When you say nothing at all’ or Bryan Adam's 'Everything I do' kinda love; I got the idea that it was a lovemaking song [which I thought was gross for a song, a book its fine, not a song]!! Well it turned out that it wasn’t, that is, once Marilyn pointed it out to me. Well well, that was funny. Tsk Tsk. Ever since that song figures in my playlists.

Meaningless Accomplishments

My bro’s going out of the country for his visa change in like a few hours from now, which all of us including my bro knew of only now. Kash has to collect his ticket at 4 from his head office in Bur Dubai and then report at Terminal 2 in Ghusais latest by 5 to catch the flight at 7:30. Now dad has to be there at his site at 5:30, so he can’t help in anyway. Now who’ll drive back the car my brother leaves at the airport? Me? I wish. At this very moment my license and me are invisible to everyone. I do not exist. Now that I wish were true. I can’t believe I don’t even qualify to be listened to. Who am I kidding, I can believe that, it's just that I am upset and I begin to wonder if at least an ounce of common sense resides in my dad’s and bro’s brains. I wish I could shove some common sense and reason down their throats.

I suggested that dad & bro exchange cars coz there was no way I could drive back bro’s rented car with the 1-year-old-license rule and all. They didn’t even listen to me; it was as if I were suggesting assassinating Kofi Annan.

Finally it got settled that one of my cousins would drop off Kashi. And if he had not been around, a cab would have been their ONLY other option. Now why did I get a license? Oh yeah, to drive myself around in my imaginary car whose loan I am paying back with the help of my imaginary job. That’s why.

I find new levels of exasperation as time passes.

PS: I don’t drive badly. Unfortunately the only ones who can vouch for me are the ones who don’t accept me.

And finally the bubble exploded!

Yes, I was wondering when it would. After all, my dad and me just don’t get along, it’s a universal axiom. The last time we were at each other’s necks was in February, before which it was just a daily routine. O God, now I have to brace myself for the hurricane season that follows. No problem, I have more than sufficient ammo - hit him hard where it hurts, that’s my strategy. Yea, I am not cruel, but no one anymore gets away being cruel to me or my dear ones.

My Perfect Song

I consider ‘Do Dil’ from the movie 'Pardes' a perfect song. Excellent composition, good lyrics, wonderfully sung by Kumar Sanu, no one could have possibly bettered him. With Shah Rukh playing the guitar (or was it a ukulele?) the song’s perfectly picturized. Some songs are very good, but when you watch it, the picturization is a complete let down, so much so that your liking towards the song itself decreases. Had I understood the lyrics of ‘Pehla Nasha’, it would have been a perfect song too. In spite of that, it remains in my favorites list.

Technicalities aside, I think what I like most about ‘Do Dil’ is that this song is so rich in memories, a kaleidoscope full of colorful memories… of a new beginning, of my first monsoon as a grown up (that is, if 15+ is so considered), my first time in a hostel, alongside many other first-timers, my first time away from home.

Oops, did I forget…also my first up-close experience with Julie (our hostel’s pet dog). Boy was I terrified by that innocent canine!

‘Do Dil’ covered a big chunk of my life, beginning with my friendship with Raji by borrowing her Walkman to hear this very song to relax after a sunny day outdoors cheering our football team in one of countless matches to teasing others over their crushes to listening to that song on our last day at hostel.

The instantaneous memories that ‘Do Dil’ trigger literally give me goose bumps…the very first note of the song reminds me of how, in the beginning, we girls and boys used to be shepherded from our respective hostels on Saturday nights to our school TV room (wherever that was) for our weekly chance to watch some TV. I guess it was some top-ten countdown show or something. This was until we got our own television sets in our hostel.

We were really freshers back then, having been there for hardly a month, watchful of our seniors, boys and girls equally. I can only recollect one of those TV trips when everyone was hovering by the TV to get a glimpse of what was going on. Since I was interested only in the songs, I sat back, and it amused me to watch my batch mates, treasuring this weekly luxury, that which was so taken for granted before. Watching my seniors was even more interesting. Deepu (sporting the Gupt-style sideburns which were the in thing then) propagandized to be the ‘Yaman’ or the ‘Kaalan’ of the freshers. Then there was Jeffy Anthrapier or Arthropod (or whatever the name be), with his sharp blue eyes, which he assumed made him special. Then there was Ashok Gopinath, always near Deepa Menon. The girls, Sheetal, Sherin, Remya Vishwanath (who can forget her) and the likes who spend hours in front of the mirror preening, just to impress the supposedly tough & macho lads. Then there was the dorm gang, the kiddos... Patricia, Nimmy, Megha, Pooja, Shaheen, Mosquito Ammu... O! How could I forget the Nepali Duo, Anoop Bandhari - the famous & popular football player and Gaurav Pradhan, his sidekick. I am sure I’ve missed out many of the other villains.

Years after school, I still love this song for the same reasons I fell in love with it a long time ago…

Whoever said Tuesdays are bad??

Whoever said Tuesdays are unlucky? In fact, this day, Tuesday 16th of May’s probably is the cheeriest day of this month. Why? In the morning (though a much earlier one than I'd like) I was out on the roads of Dubai with dad, on my way to my class.

It’s a norm to listen to the radio while commuting/stuck in a jam. [More like a thumb of rule; if you are in the car, it’s wise you tune into any radio station so as not to affect your temper.] So here I was, out in the car, on a bright sunny morning, listening to the radio. I have the option of tuning into any of the 2 Mallu stations, 1 English & 3 Hindi channels. On an average day, all these channels taken together play like one good song every half hour. So if you are lucky, u hear like 5 good songs in an hour and the rest 45 minutes they play crap for music. But, you see, today though being a Tuesday, I got to listen to songs ranging from 'good' to 'very good' to 'my favorites' back to back !! And I spent a good 2.5 hours in the car.

I was high on songs this morning :D

Classes went along fine..after classes talked to Nijaz(1). On my way back home again many good songs.Back at home, am online right after lunch. Chat with Rafeeq(2), got a mail from Ann(3) into PB’s group which is the highlight of the day, chatted with Sankar(4). After a while I chatted with Nitin(5), which as usual was fun with the typos and all :D

Later on in the evening, actually while was typing this I get this personal mail from Marilyn(6), followed by a humour-filled chatting session with Fareeda(7) No No, Not over, now I finally have Jasniya(8) online right now :D

Not bad for a Tuesday, huh?

I communicated with 8 of my friends, of which only with 2 of ‘em I talk to regularly. Good day with friends…. Damn! Why did I forget to send Derwi his b’day e-card? Damn me!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DERWI!!

Speaking to so many friends in less than 24 hours, the lucky streak began yesterday evening when I chatted with another one of my old buddies from school whom I rarely see online. It was fun talking to Nidhi, though I must say, we couldn’t quite end our conversation coz I got abruptly interupted. I know you are reading this, Nidhi, am looking forward to finish that conversation ;)

The Bubble's Back!!!

Yes, finally…I was wishing and hoping fervently for that anchor which was weighing down Ann’s heart to lighten up quickly. I am so happy that she’s back at last. O yes, this is the very same Ann who I referred to as 'in hiding'. She’s out of the closet now, in search of her ‘Ike Graham’. :D Way to go gurl… All my love to you.

PS: Ike's the character Richard Gere portrayed in 'The Runaway Bride'.

KRAZY Diary Entry: I

There used to be a time when I used to wallow in self-pity…Ugh! I shudder to even think of it. Lately I've been putting those horrible moments of mine into words. Though my words reflect quiet the exact feelings I experienced then, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s how I feel now too, quite the contrary actually. Like I said, I am just reproducing it all in writing, a kind of purging, a weird cleansing ritual probably.

And then again, when I mention ‘time’ and any negative feeling together in conjunction with ‘feelings’ its got to be the period between July ‘03 and March’ 06. Coz whatever strong feelings I’ve experienced before that period has only helped make me, not break me.

Lets take it from the very beginning. My school days starting from 6th at IIS, Al-Ain, the time from when my memories are clear. The only unfortunate but silly incident that in any way marred my secondary schooling experience - the elections in the 9th grade. I was just a bit disappointed coz my friend Lavanya was coerced by our evil HM into playing rivals with me and the politics that went along with such situations…. My chicken pox break that followed the election rid me of any traces of disappointment and everything was back to normal. Moral: Silly incidents don’t affect friendships. She was fun; we used to discuss daily developments in ‘Knots Landing’, and it used to be fun. Hmm…wonder where she is now.

Higher Secondary Coed Schooling was indeed fresh air for me; rid of hypocrites for classmates, hostel life was the order of the day. It was tough, but the very foundation for me as a person. Yes my friends from college, you got me as I am coz of my BAV & hostel experience. Made the most of it :D

Entrance coaching was the junction where I found my spunk, my true spark for adventure; the reins to freedom, especially with a local guardian not too bothered to interfere.

College & hostel was very different from any idea I had in mind. First of all, I was expecting to live & mingle with my peers, not with a bunch of seniors (who definitely weren’t mean-looking). Once I became a denizen of that brand-new house with the bunch of eager seniors, I didn’t at once feel at home. Of course not, who would for that matter! And it took me time (3-4 months) to get used to the gurls and settle down comfortably, which of course was made swifter & easier by my roommate (Renjini) and my next-door neighbors (Sreeja & Hasna). But what I did know was that I was going to like this bunch of gurls, coz if my recollections are right, the morning of either the first day or my first Saturday there, coming down for breakfast I was greeted by an energy wave whose origin was a tall, smart gurl who goes by the name Ann J. Cheeran (currently in hiding), followed by Jasniya and Anila and the gang. The energy wave was powered by Fareeda’s Pentium II processor PC playing Wham!'s superhit ‘Wake me up before you go go’!! Though I thoroughly failed to impress them by joining them in their circle of energy dissipation (read dancing), I definitely warmed up to the idea of spending a good 2 years of my life with them. And thus began the making of me.

I knew seniors make good friend once the fresher-senior charade wears out. But I didn’t in my life think they’d turn out to be the best folks around, that they’d pamper me. For me attention was pampering, concern was pampering, being under a watchful eye was pampering. All this was new for me. With my elder bro & his introvert nature always a concern for my parents, with my second bro’s terrible home-sickness and constant eosinophilia and with my newly developed self-sufficiency after seeing what worries my parents had otherwise, I was not an object of their constant concern (not that I yearned for it). [But when all this turns into sibling rivalry and later into sibling over-dominance and sibling snubbing, it becomes a tab stifling.]

I have told my cousin brothers, ‘you don’t know how it feels to be left out, completely. Not unless you experience it yourself.’ And as a God’s gift or your unconscious wish being granted, you have not 1, not 2 but 11 sisters, pouring attention, pampering you. Probably that’s not was they feel about it, they probably just gave as much attention as they would have given others. The difference of feeling is coz I was so left out that throwing a dog-bone my way would make my day.



Motive: I am a tad cheerless at not being invited for the movie my bro & cousins went for. Note: no invitation , no entry.

His first love

Finally met him in person after a long gap. Yes, the wedding boy - Supin's back from his vacation in India. His engagement had been of great mystery to me, coz one day I had messaged him when he was still in India,

"Hey ,whats up? No news from your side. Marriage/engagement already over? Take care. Enjoy."

That was meant to pull his leg. His reply stumped me,

"Engagement not over. It's hopefully on May 1st. I wud be returning back on the 5th so I shall give you the details then. Take care, bye for now."

After the initial shock wore off (coz of its suddenness), it just felt like a jigsaw puzzle. One where we had to figure out the places for each piece. Now I just knew he's getting engaged.

Today I met him and now I know his fiancee's name - Lakshmi; she's from Calicut, settled in Mysore, Dietician by profession. More pieces of the puzzle in place. Saw her pic, good looking, they make a good pair.

More of general talk
1)He said he told her that his car is his first love!

Buzzzz!!

He corrected, his car was his first love...the man's learnin fast, good for him :)
2)According to my pal, Lakshmi cooks well...mmm..the shortest way to a man's heart...Good going gurl!
3) He says ........

Blog entry interrupted by phone call.

Just got off the hook, a call from Supin which ended with him getting a call from...guess who?? Yup, Lakshmi it is :D I can't wipe of that silly grin off my face, very amused seeing him legally and officially tagged.

More pieces of the puzzle in place. Wedding date set on the 23rd of Dec 06 @ Calicut; She's 5'6" (TALL....hey my height!)

I guess thats about it.

Closure II: A Comeback from the Dead

Come 2004, come 2005, Many things happen..life changing stuff take place, life crawls by…come 2006 and I cross my fingers for it to be good to me, kind to me. So far I can’t say much except that I‘ve attained closure. Closure on 2 fronts…jealousy and my forgiveness for my traitor friend. Complete closure.

Let's assess these past four months. I got to quit my job, one that din't make me happy. I took up driving classes (turning point??), got my license (yes, the much awaited turning point). Put on a hell lotta weight. Subtle change in the family front, finally going by the flow. Getting to drive the car once in a while, enough to make this absolutely-no-expectations person contend. No more being jealous over others’ good luck. I don’t know how he entered the picture, but no more being jealous of my cousin..And for what? For his well being. Again, no idea how he figures in this story. Not jealous of my nephew for him having a girlfriend, nor of him getting a lovely job.

Can’t say that I’ve become emotionless, of course I am envious. But that’s controllable. Pre-god-forsaken-place phase, I rarely got bothered by others’ good luck. One of the rare times was when I was envious of Jasniya’s love-exuding father, pampering her around the time of her engagement with Sajith. Now in 2006, I do feel pangs of envy, but isn’t it only natural? Like I envy Kashif, Isaf and Hamad for being able to hang out and go BBQ-ing in the weekends, while I can’t have the same fun with my friends or cousins (irrespective of gender).

Coming back to closure, I can feel the difference. I genuinely feel happy for others’ good fortunes. Nitin's recent success, I am happy. Supin's engagement, I am happy.

My traitor friend. With time, the betrayal incident had almost diminished and faded from my memory, but there was something about him that irked my unconscious. But I realized I had no more ill feelings for him when I met him online just the other day. After long, I was able to make a proper unbiased conversation; no more clipped sentences. I was actually discussing career stuff with him (that’s how we got acquainted in the first place).

Incredible! Your state of mind can do wonders. And that wretched hurl which caught me off guard and threw my career off track- I think I can see the track somewhere in the distance. I am moving towards it, I need to put some effort to get there; all I need is the reassurance that it is the right track. After so long, I have finally taken up a computer certification course, which I hope will help me.

The past few weeks helped me draw the curtains over a few dragging chapters. I am happy. So yes Divya, I do sound upbeat. I am donning the armor to redeem myself, to be my chirpy self once again.

Closure I: The Viral Attack

I feel I’ve finally attained closure. Closure of what, one may ask..a lot of things I say.

Let me put it this way - ever since that wretched TCS Interview results in 2003, I have not known bounds to my new found jealousy. It started off with a mere jealousy, mind you its not envy, jealousy towards Thajeer for him getting the job & a whole lot of us not getting it. I knew I wasn’t qualified to get the job right after I finished my interview & I also knew that Thajeer was qualified and moreover deserved it. I was happy for him, but I was jealous of him too. I did voice it to him, hoping that would calm me, to which he said that once I get a job myself my mind would be soothed, so don’t worry, this isn’t forever. I half-settled at that.

Then came the hurricane over my well set life..I couldn’t pursue my career in the South Indian soil-viz B'lore. My parents badly needed to uproot me and bring me over to this desert where nothing grows unless you have a zillion years of experience or high-rank recommendations. I was jealous of 'em all who were lucky enough to even get a chance at finding jobs in B’lore. In fact everyone was getting jobs like fruit flies spotting fruit, even those of whom I felt were grossly under-qualified than me! How frustrating can that be?

Once I came to this desert (something I had then termed as a god forsaken place) I settled for a mediocre job, that too with no backing from parents, rather a friend helped me. Then came the next major dose of jealousness with Ann’s announcement that she’s going onsite to America for a few months. This time I wasn’t even very happy, coz I was considering her for a probable safety net in case life got impossible here. I was so jealous & upset that I couldn’t find happiness for my friend, my sister (for whom her career meant a lot), that I cut all my communication with my close friends, I knew my system couldn’t take more of other’s joys….

All this while I kept getting those ‘wanted Freshers s/w engrs’ forwards from everyone in our batch…never opened one of them, always deleted them, I couldn’t even stand the sight of those recruitment ads that kept coming in. How terribly messed up could I be.

At the same time, things din't seem to be going too good in the home front either, which was when I finally decided to bail out. The very next day after I took this decision, I was jolted by another quake - when I had called Seema to wish her a happy betrothal. Thankfully her upcoming marriage wasn’t an object of my jealousy, but speaking to Marilyn that night, I was informed of her too going onsite in a few days…the days that followed that shock, I don’t want to remember, I was heretic. She was my safety net, she knew it, but she got her calling. I couldn’t make her stay, which she might have (faint chances though); it would have been a crime equivalent to my parents uprooting me. I can’t remember much more of 2004 and I don’t want to revive any memories either. It was simply the worst year in my life.

2004 din't work well in many fronts, of which one was that I was coping very badly with the change of scene and jealousy and all. The other issue was that I lost a very good friend. That friend of mine cheated on me, or what that person did or didn’t do was being grossly unfair to me and importantly INSENSITIVE of that friend. That, I believe is my only bad experience with a friend. For all that I was going through, this person didn’t lift a finger in my support. I barely have any expectations of anyyone (a lesson for me when I lost my safety net), and especially of this friend coz of his nature, but I guess I was completely misled. I was hurt big time, but for a very short time, n short it was - 1.5 days. That's short considering that even after 1 year of residing in the god forsaken place, I couldn’t come in terms with my fate, of my parents foolish decision to bring me here, very much against my will. So 1.5 days is nano short. And considering I revere friendship as the most sacred relation, that Insensitive Twerp of a person wasn’t worth more than that. So that’s that.

Not too many have really irritated/affected me with their behavior. Shiney, my school batch mate; Raghu, my classmate from college; and this traitor friend. Their doings though, are of little significance in my life. But I can’t easily forgive serious offenders. My parents, for forcing on me their decision of bringing me here. My treacherous paternal cousin, for poisoning my mom’s mind and coercing her into dragging me here. [I got immense satisfaction in knowing that this very cousin suffered a bit when she learned that her own blood, her daughter was having a long going affair. I am not cruel by nature, but she hurt my life big time, changed the course of my life with her poison.]

Even though I couldn’t care less about my deceiving friend, I couldn’t quite forgive the person. You can’t call it vengeance, for the crime wasn’t too severe. But I simply couldn’t forgive the act of betrayal. Period.