KRAZY Diary Entry: I
There used to be a time when I used to wallow in self-pity…Ugh! I shudder to even think of it. Lately I've been putting those horrible moments of mine into words. Though my words reflect quiet the exact feelings I experienced then, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s how I feel now too, quite the contrary actually. Like I said, I am just reproducing it all in writing, a kind of purging, a weird cleansing ritual probably.
And then again, when I mention ‘time’ and any negative feeling together in conjunction with ‘feelings’ its got to be the period between July ‘03 and March’ 06. Coz whatever strong feelings I’ve experienced before that period has only helped make me, not break me.
Lets take it from the very beginning. My school days starting from 6th at IIS, Al-Ain, the time from when my memories are clear. The only unfortunate but silly incident that in any way marred my secondary schooling experience - the elections in the 9th grade. I was just a bit disappointed coz my friend Lavanya was coerced by our evil HM into playing rivals with me and the politics that went along with such situations…. My chicken pox break that followed the election rid me of any traces of disappointment and everything was back to normal. Moral: Silly incidents don’t affect friendships. She was fun; we used to discuss daily developments in ‘Knots Landing’, and it used to be fun. Hmm…wonder where she is now.
Higher Secondary Coed Schooling was indeed fresh air for me; rid of hypocrites for classmates, hostel life was the order of the day. It was tough, but the very foundation for me as a person. Yes my friends from college, you got me as I am coz of my BAV & hostel experience. Made the most of it :D
Entrance coaching was the junction where I found my spunk, my true spark for adventure; the reins to freedom, especially with a local guardian not too bothered to interfere.
College & hostel was very different from any idea I had in mind. First of all, I was expecting to live & mingle with my peers, not with a bunch of seniors (who definitely weren’t mean-looking). Once I became a denizen of that brand-new house with the bunch of eager seniors, I didn’t at once feel at home. Of course not, who would for that matter! And it took me time (3-4 months) to get used to the gurls and settle down comfortably, which of course was made swifter & easier by my roommate (Renjini) and my next-door neighbors (Sreeja & Hasna). But what I did know was that I was going to like this bunch of gurls, coz if my recollections are right, the morning of either the first day or my first Saturday there, coming down for breakfast I was greeted by an energy wave whose origin was a tall, smart gurl who goes by the name Ann J. Cheeran (currently in hiding), followed by Jasniya and Anila and the gang. The energy wave was powered by Fareeda’s Pentium II processor PC playing Wham!'s superhit ‘Wake me up before you go go’!! Though I thoroughly failed to impress them by joining them in their circle of energy dissipation (read dancing), I definitely warmed up to the idea of spending a good 2 years of my life with them. And thus began the making of me.
I knew seniors make good friend once the fresher-senior charade wears out. But I didn’t in my life think they’d turn out to be the best folks around, that they’d pamper me. For me attention was pampering, concern was pampering, being under a watchful eye was pampering. All this was new for me. With my elder bro & his introvert nature always a concern for my parents, with my second bro’s terrible home-sickness and constant eosinophilia and with my newly developed self-sufficiency after seeing what worries my parents had otherwise, I was not an object of their constant concern (not that I yearned for it). [But when all this turns into sibling rivalry and later into sibling over-dominance and sibling snubbing, it becomes a tab stifling.]
I have told my cousin brothers, ‘you don’t know how it feels to be left out, completely. Not unless you experience it yourself.’ And as a God’s gift or your unconscious wish being granted, you have not 1, not 2 but 11 sisters, pouring attention, pampering you. Probably that’s not was they feel about it, they probably just gave as much attention as they would have given others. The difference of feeling is coz I was so left out that throwing a dog-bone my way would make my day.
Motive: I am a tad cheerless at not being invited for the movie my bro & cousins went for. Note: no invitation , no entry.
And then again, when I mention ‘time’ and any negative feeling together in conjunction with ‘feelings’ its got to be the period between July ‘03 and March’ 06. Coz whatever strong feelings I’ve experienced before that period has only helped make me, not break me.
Lets take it from the very beginning. My school days starting from 6th at IIS, Al-Ain, the time from when my memories are clear. The only unfortunate but silly incident that in any way marred my secondary schooling experience - the elections in the 9th grade. I was just a bit disappointed coz my friend Lavanya was coerced by our evil HM into playing rivals with me and the politics that went along with such situations…. My chicken pox break that followed the election rid me of any traces of disappointment and everything was back to normal. Moral: Silly incidents don’t affect friendships. She was fun; we used to discuss daily developments in ‘Knots Landing’, and it used to be fun. Hmm…wonder where she is now.
Higher Secondary Coed Schooling was indeed fresh air for me; rid of hypocrites for classmates, hostel life was the order of the day. It was tough, but the very foundation for me as a person. Yes my friends from college, you got me as I am coz of my BAV & hostel experience. Made the most of it :D
Entrance coaching was the junction where I found my spunk, my true spark for adventure; the reins to freedom, especially with a local guardian not too bothered to interfere.
College & hostel was very different from any idea I had in mind. First of all, I was expecting to live & mingle with my peers, not with a bunch of seniors (who definitely weren’t mean-looking). Once I became a denizen of that brand-new house with the bunch of eager seniors, I didn’t at once feel at home. Of course not, who would for that matter! And it took me time (3-4 months) to get used to the gurls and settle down comfortably, which of course was made swifter & easier by my roommate (Renjini) and my next-door neighbors (Sreeja & Hasna). But what I did know was that I was going to like this bunch of gurls, coz if my recollections are right, the morning of either the first day or my first Saturday there, coming down for breakfast I was greeted by an energy wave whose origin was a tall, smart gurl who goes by the name Ann J. Cheeran (currently in hiding), followed by Jasniya and Anila and the gang. The energy wave was powered by Fareeda’s Pentium II processor PC playing Wham!'s superhit ‘Wake me up before you go go’!! Though I thoroughly failed to impress them by joining them in their circle of energy dissipation (read dancing), I definitely warmed up to the idea of spending a good 2 years of my life with them. And thus began the making of me.
I knew seniors make good friend once the fresher-senior charade wears out. But I didn’t in my life think they’d turn out to be the best folks around, that they’d pamper me. For me attention was pampering, concern was pampering, being under a watchful eye was pampering. All this was new for me. With my elder bro & his introvert nature always a concern for my parents, with my second bro’s terrible home-sickness and constant eosinophilia and with my newly developed self-sufficiency after seeing what worries my parents had otherwise, I was not an object of their constant concern (not that I yearned for it). [But when all this turns into sibling rivalry and later into sibling over-dominance and sibling snubbing, it becomes a tab stifling.]
I have told my cousin brothers, ‘you don’t know how it feels to be left out, completely. Not unless you experience it yourself.’ And as a God’s gift or your unconscious wish being granted, you have not 1, not 2 but 11 sisters, pouring attention, pampering you. Probably that’s not was they feel about it, they probably just gave as much attention as they would have given others. The difference of feeling is coz I was so left out that throwing a dog-bone my way would make my day.
Motive: I am a tad cheerless at not being invited for the movie my bro & cousins went for. Note: no invitation , no entry.
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