Closure II: A Comeback from the Dead
Come 2004, come 2005, Many things happen..life changing stuff take place, life crawls by…come 2006 and I cross my fingers for it to be good to me, kind to me. So far I can’t say much except that I‘ve attained closure. Closure on 2 fronts…jealousy and my forgiveness for my traitor friend. Complete closure.
Let's assess these past four months. I got to quit my job, one that din't make me happy. I took up driving classes (turning point??), got my license (yes, the much awaited turning point). Put on a hell lotta weight. Subtle change in the family front, finally going by the flow. Getting to drive the car once in a while, enough to make this absolutely-no-expectations person contend. No more being jealous over others’ good luck. I don’t know how he entered the picture, but no more being jealous of my cousin..And for what? For his well being. Again, no idea how he figures in this story. Not jealous of my nephew for him having a girlfriend, nor of him getting a lovely job.
Can’t say that I’ve become emotionless, of course I am envious. But that’s controllable. Pre-god-forsaken-place phase, I rarely got bothered by others’ good luck. One of the rare times was when I was envious of Jasniya’s love-exuding father, pampering her around the time of her engagement with Sajith. Now in 2006, I do feel pangs of envy, but isn’t it only natural? Like I envy Kashif, Isaf and Hamad for being able to hang out and go BBQ-ing in the weekends, while I can’t have the same fun with my friends or cousins (irrespective of gender).
Coming back to closure, I can feel the difference. I genuinely feel happy for others’ good fortunes. Nitin's recent success, I am happy. Supin's engagement, I am happy.
My traitor friend. With time, the betrayal incident had almost diminished and faded from my memory, but there was something about him that irked my unconscious. But I realized I had no more ill feelings for him when I met him online just the other day. After long, I was able to make a proper unbiased conversation; no more clipped sentences. I was actually discussing career stuff with him (that’s how we got acquainted in the first place).
Incredible! Your state of mind can do wonders. And that wretched hurl which caught me off guard and threw my career off track- I think I can see the track somewhere in the distance. I am moving towards it, I need to put some effort to get there; all I need is the reassurance that it is the right track. After so long, I have finally taken up a computer certification course, which I hope will help me.
The past few weeks helped me draw the curtains over a few dragging chapters. I am happy. So yes Divya, I do sound upbeat. I am donning the armor to redeem myself, to be my chirpy self once again.
Let's assess these past four months. I got to quit my job, one that din't make me happy. I took up driving classes (turning point??), got my license (yes, the much awaited turning point). Put on a hell lotta weight. Subtle change in the family front, finally going by the flow. Getting to drive the car once in a while, enough to make this absolutely-no-expectations person contend. No more being jealous over others’ good luck. I don’t know how he entered the picture, but no more being jealous of my cousin..And for what? For his well being. Again, no idea how he figures in this story. Not jealous of my nephew for him having a girlfriend, nor of him getting a lovely job.
Can’t say that I’ve become emotionless, of course I am envious. But that’s controllable. Pre-god-forsaken-place phase, I rarely got bothered by others’ good luck. One of the rare times was when I was envious of Jasniya’s love-exuding father, pampering her around the time of her engagement with Sajith. Now in 2006, I do feel pangs of envy, but isn’t it only natural? Like I envy Kashif, Isaf and Hamad for being able to hang out and go BBQ-ing in the weekends, while I can’t have the same fun with my friends or cousins (irrespective of gender).
Coming back to closure, I can feel the difference. I genuinely feel happy for others’ good fortunes. Nitin's recent success, I am happy. Supin's engagement, I am happy.
My traitor friend. With time, the betrayal incident had almost diminished and faded from my memory, but there was something about him that irked my unconscious. But I realized I had no more ill feelings for him when I met him online just the other day. After long, I was able to make a proper unbiased conversation; no more clipped sentences. I was actually discussing career stuff with him (that’s how we got acquainted in the first place).
Incredible! Your state of mind can do wonders. And that wretched hurl which caught me off guard and threw my career off track- I think I can see the track somewhere in the distance. I am moving towards it, I need to put some effort to get there; all I need is the reassurance that it is the right track. After so long, I have finally taken up a computer certification course, which I hope will help me.
The past few weeks helped me draw the curtains over a few dragging chapters. I am happy. So yes Divya, I do sound upbeat. I am donning the armor to redeem myself, to be my chirpy self once again.
1 Comments:
Nitin asked me who the traitor friend was. I asked him to take a guess. His first guess was himself and it really amused me to see how imaginative he was :D poor him!
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