Diary of a Krazistany

Eulogy

2009-08-29T00:10:00.005+04:00

A year is a year when you celebrate a birthday or a wedding anniversary. A year is 365 days when you associate it with death. Each one of those 365 days stings and hurts. In my life 22nd of August will never be the same again. My birthday - August 22nd 2008, it will always be – the last time I talked to Kash. Exactly a week later the rudest shock jolted our lives, the intensity of which I can never forget even as I try my best.

It’s the finality of death that hurts the most. Never again. Never again will I get to see my brother, never again will I talk to him. Never again will I see my brother walk into a room and smile at my mom. Suddenly I and Hisham are bereft of a precious brother, my parents of a valuable son. In a matter of a few measly hours, what would have been a family of 8 got permanently set to a 6-member family.

August 29th marks the passing of 1 year without Kash. For a person who remembers the pettiest of days and dates, I find “29/8” irrelevant. Like I said, its 365 days, not 1 year. We say a special prayer, try to reminisce the good times without feeling overly sad, and life goes on.

Every time I face a problem, an adversity, I wish I could trade my brother’s life for a collection of the worst adversities I could possibly come to face.

How does life change when someone close passes away?
I can’t listen to music anymore. I normally turn to music for solace, to de-stress or simply to sing along. Now I cry if I listen to my favourite songs. It brings back memories of days when bro was alive, it’s tough.

What about your mobile phone contact list? Do you erase off a dead person's number? I try to ignore the buzz inside my head whenever Kashi's phone numbers come up in my directory or his name on those messenger lists.

I love taking pictures at just about every occasion and I have a huge collection of photos. Now I don’t care to take pictures and I don’t look at any of those innumerable photos I’ve clicked. Accidentally if I see Kashi’s snaps, it all comes back to me - I will never click another snap of his, never see him again. And sometimes the thought just seems preposterous. Why?

Coz I never felt my brother’s absence in an obvious way. I feel he’s still around, just not near me. Sometimes I just can’t wait to share news with Kash when I suddenly realize that’s just not possible. There are so many things I want to share with him – about the sequels of ‘In Harihar Nagar’ and that Mohanlal movie. I wish he knew Supin moved into Discovery Gardens, I wish he knew Barack Obama is the new US President. I wish he knew that Dubai’s Airport terminal 3 started functioning, and that the Metro is ready too. I wish he knew Bushire got his drivers license. I wish I could show him Haya, my daughter. I wish he knew I named her after Dubai’s Sheikha. He’d have adored the girl. I can only say Haya isn’t lucky enough to have known her uncle.

Most of the time, we all go about with our lives accepting the fact that Kash is no more. But there are these sudden moments of breathless, panicky desperation where you just wish Kash could still be alive and with us. It's like a cinderblock placed on your chest. These moments pass leaving a hole of hurt and pain, and then we move on again. I do grieve his death, pray for him, but I don’t feel as sad as I used to the first few months. For that, all I had to do was block out memories relating to his death, the way mom described their ride in the ambulance and what happened at the hospital and all.

My subconscious mind hasn’t accepted that Kashi passed away, if not physically at least in spirit. Kash features in my dreams just like any other family member or friend. So many times have I woken up from these life-like dreams to think it’s just so cruel to be made aware of the fact even in my sleep.

It may sound cold, but I don’t like to be teary-eyed and dull every time I think of Kash. Coz then I won’t be able to get on with life. I stop my thoughts with a prayer.

I pray that he goes to heaven;

I pray that God forgives Kashi for his mistakes and sins;

I pray that Kash has a wide kabr (figuratively, it’s like saying ‘rest in peace’).

Of late, I also pray that mom finds the strength and faith to move on in a life without Kash.

You’re always on our minds, the young vibrant you.
I love you Kash and I miss you so much it hurts.

Apologies & Au Revoir!

2006-11-04T00:01:00.000+04:00

My apologies to everyone I've directly or indirectly hurt or offended. I had no intention of defaming anyone and I did not realize my actions would cause that. So my sincere apologies!

I pronounce myself guilty as charged of not adhering to the Rule of unbiased reporting. Freedom of Speech is not one to be misused. I believe in that and would like to believe I practise that. But I did misuse it (though, not intentionally). Hence, I sentence myself a ban on blogging as punitive damages since I am not to be trusted with such an important responsibility. And it seems to be the ideal means to settle my perturbed conscience and sense of justice.

I wish to thank all of you very much for your support that you've lent me through your feedbacks & comments. And for all the words of praise and encouragement you all have given me for my articles, for now I know I am 'jack of some trade'. As final words of parting , I wish to present a poem I found somewhere, one that I liked very much.

FRIENDS!

As we walk our path of life,
We meet people everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are sent our way.

These become special friends
Whose bond we can't explain;
The ones who understand us
And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.
So, even when we are apart.
Their presence enhances us
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,
When even the miles disappear.
And so, these friends, God sends our way,
Remain forever near.

PS: I'm letting this blog remain (rather than delete it altogether) as a reminder to my transgression, one that I truely regret now.

Fav Quotes

2006-10-31T23:22:00.000+04:00

An optimist is someone who takes
the cold water thrown on his idea,
heats it with enthusiasm,
& uses the steam to push ahead!
I got it from Shruthi's handbook years ago when I'd gone to her place for combined studies. I really liked the quote & have always kept it in mind, for a lot of cold water has been thrown at me.

Never stop smiling, for you don't know
when someone will fall for your smile.

I try to be as cheerful as possible, especially when nothing around is bright. I learned the importance of a cheerful, bright face back in school (Bhavans) when friends told me quite a few times that once in their sullen mood, I smiled at them and my smile was pretty cheerful and their spirits felt better.
Apart from that I've read on many occassions that a mere smile is 'Sadaqah' meaning charity. If that's the case, why not do something so simple.

To meet and to part
is the way of life,
But to part and meet again
is the hope of life!

Gaurav (a senior) from Bhavans wrote that in my autograph. Beautiful, isn't it? I think so. Probably one of the greatest joys life can bring is when you find a long lost friend after years of parting. Now how does all this parting & meeting figure in my life at this instance? I'll tell you.

There is this website called orkut which is doing wonders. It's a site where just about every soul on earth who has internet access is a member. I found an old busmate/classmate of mine, Keerthana through orkut. Though she doesn't remember me (can't blame her, I was in that school for hardly a year), but to know friends from our past are living and doing well, and the prospect of finding more such friends, I really thank the creator of orkut. We used to be a trio - Keerthana, Parveen and myself. My hope is to find Parveen Khan, my first best friend, a very loveable person!

Alhamdulillah!!!!!

2006-10-21T02:32:00.000+04:00

Oh God, thank you, I haven't felt so much relief in weeks!

After a very long break riverbend updated her blog, meaning she did not die or get arrested like I (and many others) feared. With all the violent deaths in Iraq and her gaining popularity (and notoriety among the Iraqi-war supporters) I was really very relieved to see a new entry after all these weeks...I was just praying that she be alright, even if she did not blog. I guess I can connect with her hopelessness and that of all Iraqis, but I sure am happy to see her back in action, and she's not lost her sense of humor either :D Good going gurl.

This is definitely an Eid Gift for me :D

UN Secretary General Candidacy

2006-10-03T02:48:00.000+04:00

Boutros Boutros Ghali from Egypt –the first secretary general (SG) of the United Nations whose name I was aware of, that too for a general knowledge test conducted all over the middle east by the UN. I was in grade 7 or 8; I am not sure. And since this important guy of the world’s uniting confederation was from Egypt – an Arabic speaking country, there was some amount of pride instilled in me.

Then came Kofi Annan from Ghana. He must have been an awfully capable person or why else would the world elect a guy from Ghana? Where? Some African nation we might possibly hear about once in 4 years ‘if’ their team makes it to the football world cup. Capable he probably was – this is what I thought years back when I learnt of the latest SG for the UN. Of course, I wasn’t aware of the criteria involving SG selections.

The first time I was learning about UNESCO, UNICEF, WHO, The Intl Court of Justice and all those, I felt so good thinking someone somewhere was doing good deeds in this world. I was proud to live in this era where all nations were united and there would be no more world wars for a peace-loving UN was present, vigilant, unlike the utter failure ‘the League of Nations’.

Coming here to Dubai in 2003, I got more aware of world politics and current affairs (what with being forced to watch almost only news channels through the day). Only in these recent years was I perceptive of how useless the UN actually is, especially its Security Council.

The war on terror (read ‘the war on Afghanistan’ by the US), the UN arms inspector Hans Blix’s report of the situation of WMD’s in Iraq and finally the offensive on Iraq, to my utter dismay, all this while the UN took a by-passer’s stance. Talk about being disillusioned. I probably should have known that, after all, the long-running Palestine-Israel conflict was the perfect example of their inadequacy.

I was rudely surprised to hear Kofi Annan and his son’s names in the ‘oil for food scheme scam’. How could a person appointed for humanitarian work take bribes (if the allegations were true)?? How badly has corruption affected our world?

Israel’s recent attacks on Lebanon and how long does it take for the UN to respond? Israel says it needs 2 more weeks of butchery and bloodbath before it calls in for a cease-fire and does the UN object?? Probably that’s when I got this sense of déjà vu, like its all happened before, under a different name – the futile League of Nations.

Somewhere along enters the issue of electing a Kofi Annan, ooops sorry, a new SG. Enter Shashi Tharoor, India’s nominee, hailing from the district of Palakkad in state of Kerala. As an Indian, I rejoiced learning his odds were good, but I knew I had to be my skeptical self until the very end.

Yesterday was the fourth and last round of informal voting for the new SG. The results were a real let down. South Korea’s foreign minister Ban-Ki-Moon came ahead of Tharoor in all 4 rounds. The South Korean bagged the support of all of the Security Council members who voted, while Tharoor was voted against by some of them (which can be likened to a veto). Tharoor withdrew from the election; according to the Malayalam radio news, he said ‘withdrawal’ didn’t sounded as bad as ‘failure’.

Now I know why Egypt, why Ghana, why South Korea…why entities from such powerless or insignificant countries. They can be trained as the puppets (a usage from Riverbend’s blog) of the world’s supreme power(s) - on second thoughts, world’s supreme power (read USA) and its tails (Britain & France). On the other hand, if an all important post like the SG got into the hands of a growing country like India, which by the way is still a non-aligned country, what would the puppet masters do when the puppet thought on its own and decided to act on its own?!!? Get it?

Riverbend's "Baghdad Burning"

2006-09-23T00:05:00.000+04:00

Part of my nightmares lately has to do with Iraq. I’ll tell you how.

The rumpus created by Jean Sasson's comment on my article ‘Mayada’ got me discussing the whole issue with my friends. As part of our debate/discussion, Nijaz forwarded a link to a blog by the name 'Baghdad Burning' written by an Iraqi girl whose pen name is ‘Riverbend’; she was 24 when she started blogging about the war that started in 2003. For the past week or so I’ve been continuously reading her posts, I started with her articles posted this year. It was like reading a sequel of ‘Mayada’, for the situation of Iraq and its people was pathetic, actually, worse than pre-war times. I didn’t know whether to feel pity or sympathetic or plain disgusted by the state of affair in that country.

Ramadan, the holy month of fasting starts tomorrow (technically, today). It’s basically abstaining from eating and drinking from dawn to dusk. The purpose is mainly to know how it’d be to be hungry or thirsty. Abstinence is not limited to just food and drink, you can include smoking, anger and a whole of other things in your list.

Then, I was thinking about Riverbend's entries about daily life in Iraq now. In many of her articles she mentions about the availability of electricity, or rather the non-availability. When I read all that, I thought of those long 12 or 18-hour power cuts back in Kerala – life for me used to be a standstill on those occasions. Thinking back to what Riverbend said, I couldn’t even comprehend how they kept going with life without enough water and electricity (even fuel for that matter!!). I thought, to really understand the plight of those people, like how we refrain from food n drink, perhaps if we did fast on electricity, then we might get the picture. Just a thought.

If I start talking about the acts of terror, the bombings – suicide or otherwise, the insurgents or even the Iraqi politicians, then I could go on and on for pages. It would be best if you read the blog, to get a good picture. Now you know why my nightmares.

Riverbend’s got excellent writing skills; and her sense of humor (sarcastic) is worth mentioning. I applaud her for the courage it takes to blog as an insider, coz it really looks risky and for her determination or drive to let the world know what actually is happening in occupied Iraq.

May their sufferings find an end soon – that’s the only prayer I can say for them now.

Alas!

2006-09-19T19:00:00.000+04:00

Yesterday,
I was badly in need of a shoulder to cry on,
I wished for one of those reassuring hugs...
Lost are my bright, happy smiles
that I'd gotten back after ages of searching.

Hereupon you can find
me in that deep pit of depression,
that I am spiralling down into
Once again!

A futile attempt at expressing reality lyrically!

To kill a Mockingbird

2006-08-30T00:24:00.000+04:00

I read ‘To kill a Mockingbird’ the first time when I was in college; borrowed the book from Jasniya, I think. I liked the book a lot then, for one thing, it was a child’s version of life, which mostly depicts innocence that no grown-up can display. Secondly, the character Atticus struck me as an ideal parent and a human being with scruples. Moreover, after all these years (5, to be approximate), I still do remember the name of that admirable character, in part, because it was mentioned in an article about Gregory Peck after his death.

I started reading the book a few days back, for the second time. I must admit that probably after reading past the first few pages, I was wondering why we did not have this book or any excerpts of it in our curriculum. It was not just a book, it was one filled with good principles and morals, I’d recommend it as one of our lessons in English. About halfway through the book, whenever I picked it up and read through it I got this lump in my throat, some emotion that I cant even describe; I was applauding Atticus for the way he brought up his children, for his sense of equality, for his being sensible and realistic.

One of those commendable moments was when he was telling his son never to kill a Mockingbird and the reason behind that advice. Today, when I was reading the final chapters of the book, I was overwhelmed, partly because I had some reasons of my own which unexpectedly saddened me, but also because of Mr. Arthur Radley. I was trying to picture it all in my mind - Scout, Jem, Atticus and the rest of them, how it would have been to live there in Maycomb County that year.

After reading the book for the second time, I would request, more than recommend, everyone else to read it. After reading ‘The Class’ by Erich Seagal, it felt like I got a lot of experience, a whole different kind, the kind that I felt when I was in college, one that you had to live through to comprehend the essence of it. After reading ‘To kill a Mockingbird’, it feels like I went through a class, a training of some kind, that one ought to have to live a satisfied, dignified, complete life. Such is the intensity of that book.

10 things…

2006-08-27T15:56:00.000+04:00

10 things that annoy me

1. My dad, in general.
2. The sound of water (from the AC, the apartment above ours) dripping & hitting my bedroom AC (I've even lost sleep coz of that).
3. Anyone opening closed doors and not shutting it properly once they leave the room.
4. Parents of kids that go crazy; they don’t bother to control the kids, they simply ignore the kids as if it’s someone else’s problem now. I’ve named the lot ‘The Satan kids & the Asshole parents’
5. Dad’s cigarette smoke seeping into my bedroom when I am trying hard to sleep. The smoke totally disturbs my sleep.
6. Dripping water from a broken faucet.
7. Wet bathroom floors.
8. Inquisitive cab drivers, asking questions like

‘Coming from work?’, ‘You take the cab daily?’, ‘Where are you from?’, ‘Are you married?’

even after showing clear signs of disinterest and dislike of such probing.
9. Buzzing mosquitoes (applicable in India), loud noise from the nearby construction site, sound of a door banging in the other room, television cacophony that somehow manages to hit my ear drums even through layers of closed doors & walls – all of these, especially when I am trying to get some sleep, coz at times, sleep comes very hard for me.
10. This one isn’t annoying, it’s plainly disgusting: people digging their nose in public, they aren’t even aware it’s extremely disgusting to others. [A nose-picking colleague of mine was one of many reasons I quit Siemens earlier this year.] Pick your nose, you need to get clean nose, but why in front of others, why make others go through the ordeal??

10 things I like that aren't routine stuff

1. Getting a bunch of lovely fresh flowers from your friend, and its not even your birthday!
2. The excitement that goes with planning & throwing a surprise birthday party (or any party for that matter).
3. Watching a movie that is much talked about and the movie lives up to your expectations.
4. Trying out a new dish and getting raving reviews for it.
5. A piece of jewelry or accessory that took time to select & then getting compliments for it. It makes all the time & effort spent really worth it.
6. A good book, reading for the first time or just simply re-reading it (like now when I'm reading 'To kill a Mockingbird' for the second time).
7. Listening to a new song and instantly liking it, the tunes and the lyrics.
8. Meeting up with friends and spending quality time with them, not just a few minutes or an hour.
9. Finding an old letter from your late grandfather or an old birthday card from a high-school friend or your old journal. Reading it brings back a feeling that you can’t feel in a thousand years!
10. Remembering the meaning of a new word that you picked up recently. It’s quite an accomplishment!

[PS: Just in case you are wondering, I am not one of those sleep-loving freaks and I haven't taken up sleeping as a hobby. It's just that I get Insomnia on & off, so times when sleep & the sleepy-feeling comes less, I can be quite the grouch; my hostelmates (in college) can vouch for that :P ]

My Rendezvous with Bliss!

2006-08-25T18:06:00.000+04:00

This feels good. Warm tongues of fire caress my body, from my eyelashes to my feet and here I am lying, lazing, enjoying. When I thought it through in my mind before, it hadn’t seemed so good, now that I am here, I am really glad. It’s another world altogether, calm, cool, carefree. I think I should do this more often. Maybe I will. Now that I’m all warmed up, maybe I should close my eyes, rest them a bit. This feels so good, I could moan with delight. Ecstasy!

When I got here, I wasn’t sure I’d stay for long even though I came prepared. Bikini, beach sandals, towels, tanning lotion, sunglasses and a copy of Cosmopolitan – yes, all geared up for a long swim and some sunbathing. First I thought I’d just stroll along the beach and sit back and watch the ocean. But coming here to Half Moon Bay so early in the morning, I got the place all to myself, except for an occasional jogger.

I put my things down near a coconut shell that had finally found a resting place. I walked down the beach, undecided on whether I should take a quick swim or not. The ocean looked awfully tempting, as if it were a stage set just for me. The water was cold, so I thought I’d just take a quick dip and settle back with the magazine. Oh! I was so wrong; the water was really chilly, brrrrr!! At the least, the jolt woke me up completely.

I got out of the water almost an hour later. Wow! I hadn’t felt so fresh in weeks - the long swim in the cold beach, the warm wind blowing seaward, and the sun fully out of its covers, shining bright. After quickly drying myself, I spread out my other dry towel and quickly began to work on my tan I had been planning to get but postponing for weeks.

At some point I had fallen asleep and was woken up by a noisy growl coming from the insides of me. I smiled; I knew I had to end this blissful morning out in the sun - I was hungry. I changed back into my white T and comfy blue jeans and slipped my feet into my white sandals. I packed my stuff and as I walked back to my car I realized I was going to do this every Friday morning. The very thought of it got me smiling even harder. And with that I was on my way home to a bowl of breakfast cereal...Mmmm yummy!!

[Yes, another attempt at creative writing, though I am not sure how creative it is expressing my love for the ocean!]

Sub'haan Allah

2006-08-22T20:36:00.000+04:00

I watched 'Fanaa' the other day. Verdict: I'll watch it again sometime soon which means that I liked the movie.

Kajol looks like a fresh flower in bloom, and it's the first time I find her good-looking. Refreshing.

Aamir Khan looks sexy...though I adore his acting, I wasn't ever fida over him. Saif is my all-time fav actor, I think, since his 'Ashique Aawara'!! Well, Aamir looks hot, old but hot. Who cares the age factor, if anything I favor it, after all I am a big fan of Richard Gere & his pepper-n-salt hair :D

The li'l kid, he's such a cutie pie. In particular I liked the part where he chooses Rahul Dravid for his dad. Actually, it was a smart move on Zooni's side. Good thinking.

The names in the movie - Rayhaan & Zooni, very attractive names, especially Zooni, never heard that one before.

Some of the songs in it are good too, the title track especially.

Most of all, what I enjoyed the most about the movie was that I understood more or less all the dialogues, which is amazing. I just somehow happened to know the meanings of all those words, or at least understand them from the context, which is never the case. Hmmm...maybe my Urdu's stronger than my awful Hindi vocabulary :D

As a direct consequence of understanding the dialogues, I must say, Rayhaan's courting Zooni was irresistable. Man, I got goosebumps :P

Tabu reminded me of my friend Marilyn (she hates that). I was so reminded coz of the character, not coz of any resemblance. Kiran Kher & Rishi Kapoor had a good chemistry. I've always like Kher, except for maybe in 'Devadaas'. That one movie I club it along with 'Gone with the Wind'. I rate it - 'Blwaak'. Such shitty movies!

By the way, does anyone know the meaning of Fanaa ??

Damn them

2006-08-21T00:29:00.000+04:00

I have discovered that I do hate a particular sect of people- the Israelis. I have a long list of people or people of a particular region that I dislike, but 'hate' I am noticing for the first time.

All offence meant to the Israelis, I hate them for their selfish, genocidal tendencies. I happened to watch the Spielberg movie 'Munich' just a few day before the Lebanon offensive/invasion/brutalites. I actually got irritated at the mentality of those Israelis in the movie, for the way they were avenging the murders of their sportsmen, and their reasoning. Sure I don't justify terrorism as an act of retaliation, but I also don't ignore the reasons that lead to a terrorist act.

In Munich, Mossad recruits 6 people to form a team that executes each Palestinian involved in the Munich massacre. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Fine, no problem. But thats not what happens, if 8 Israelis were killed, the Israelis in turn kill over 50 people (the count rising by their Beirut attacks, or massacre rather). Again, I can somehow justify the number saying that in an operation, sometimes numbers rise. But its not the head count or the methods implemented that infuriate me. It's Israel's complete insensitivity to other nation's lives. In the movie, they keep saying that each Israeli life is important, invalueable. So what, Palestinian lives don't matter? That doesn't matter, that's how the Knesset, Mossad and all Israelis consider. That their lives are valueable, as if they are superior to other races.

It was just a few days before I watched Munich, that the Israeli troops started firing missles & bombing parts of Palestine, for what, the capture of one soldier. People, its ONE measly soldier, not a dozen, not fifty, just ONE. I say 'just' since coz of that ONE soldier, they start the bombing and the result is an average of 15 dead Palestinians per bombing, yes, FIFTEEN & they are DEAD, unlike the CAPTURED Israeli soldier.

That's what, Israelis feel superior, and act it too. They have utter disregard for human lives if the human is not Israeli or Jewish. No wonder no one wants to give them land, they'll take out their superior-ass-act.

For a very secular mind, I, for once am coming to hate Jews. I thought the scope of my hatred was limited to my dad, looks like there scope for more.

A New Day Has Come

2006-08-21T00:06:00.000+04:00

I like the Celine Dion song ‘A new day has come’ , but I hate the lyrics, it really irritates me.

For me, that new day never seems to be coming. I am waiting for so long for a miracle to come, like everyone told. I am being strong just as how everyone expects me to hold on and not shed a tear.

But there’s only this murky, evil darkness. There’s no angel, there’s no love, I don’t even see a light in the sky.

"Let the rain come down & wash away my tears", but for me the rain only further dampens my bleak, futile life.

I still try to stay strong, patient, waiting for that miracle. I only hope the wait is not eternal.

Mayada

2006-07-12T00:55:00.000+04:00

Oh God! I was reading ‘Mayada – Daughter of Iraq’, the story of Mayada Nizar Jafar Mustafa Al-Askari as told by Jean Sasson. Sasson is the same person who authored the ‘Princess’ trilogy, a story of a princess & about the state of the women in Saudi Arabia.

Mayada is Mayada’s life story and her version of the sufferings Iraqis, women in particular endured during ‘The Baath Regime’ especially under the criminal rule of Saddam Hussein.

There is a part where she (Mayada) happens to be arrested and is sent to prison, the Baladiyat. There, she shared a tiny cell with many other women who are referred to as ‘the shadow women’ for supposedly having committed crimes, crimes that range from having a deserter for a brother to losing a passport to as ridiculous as having by-now-dead sons who happened to stare at someone on the streets!!

Forget the reasons why these women were arrested, the way they were arrested- like a bolt of lightning shocked the lives of those innocent souls. But even worse was the torture. Here, by writing this, I only intend to convey that the torture those prisoners went through, you’d feel awful. Awful is not the word. I had tears flowing all the while I read that prison part. In fact, the part that refers to a particular torture session of a woman named Sara, I had to put my hand over my mouth to stop from crying out loud. Normally my emotions do get stirred up a wee bit when reading certain things, but this was way beyond that. In fact I was disturbed, and still am.

The Saddam Hussein regime was so much more gruesome than the Adolf Hitler Regime. Under the WWII Nazi rule, it was the sheer number of Jews being persecuted that shocked the world most. Yes, there was a lot of torture, the main one being that one knew that death was sure once you stepped inside the concentration camps. There were as-a-sport random shootings by the officers; days filled with hard work, barely any food, worse than miserable sleeping quarters. They were being killed because they were Jews.

But in Iraq, no Iraqi was safe, absolutely no one. Anyone could be arrested for any crime - could be that a person disliked another person; a woman living alone with her children without a male member because he died; or it could be that the person was of Iranian origin, or reads the Quran often which leads to being branded as an Islamic activist; or may be even that a greedy official didn’t get his quota of bribes. And once a person was arrested, he’d either be killed right away or be sent to a prison (a torture center). There there’s a routine of torture that goes on for months and years. Each session, he is slowly but brutally tortured until he reaches just a breath away from death. And die he does, someday. If the methods of torture are gruesome, the torturers just made it worse with their own fun tactics, just for kicks. In the book it is mentioned that worse than being tortured is to hear the screaming and wailing of one being tortured, it just psyches you off. Remember back in college those Lab Exams where the external examiner is a dragon, you are nowhere near getting the output, you are about to be called for your Viva and you can see the examiner grilling the guy before you - same feeling, but on a much more larger scale.

Back to the Iraqis in detention - it is all very pathetic. I would call parts of the book as gruesome as I couldn’t stomach those scenes. The thing is this is was no fiction, not one of those Grisham or Sheldon books where the CIA tortures the Russian spy or a Mossad agent on a secret spy mission. This was something that was really happening, people in real flesh & blood being slowly smoked or beaten to death. The absolute reality of it is what makes it all the more agonizing.

I’ve read a fair share of books on WWII, Nazis and the concentration camps, all the atrocities that fell upon the Jews. I was drawn by it all and avidly watched most of those World War based movies, read a lot of books and real life accounts by Jews who survived the camps, and I was astounded by the facts but never did they 'intensely' disturb me. And religion cannot be held as a factor against my reactions coz I consider all victims as human beings above anything else.

Now that I think back about how the US military humiliated Saddam by photographing him in his underclothes, or for not holding a fair trial, I don’t care. All I care is that God show him no mercy and please let him rot in the deepest of hells like how he let his people rot their lives away. In spite of the head count, in my eyes Saddam has done far more evil than Hitler himself. [This judgment could be coz of a rebound from the book.]

Warning: Mayada is not for the faint-hearted; it will make you cringe with pain. (I am not faint-hearted, but I winced.)

Natasha and Nyla

2006-06-23T23:25:00.000+04:00

Me, all radiant about being photographed together with my favorite RJ (or one of them at least). Nyla, on the other hand, smiling though it is a smile mixed with disappointment; for having to turn back & not knowing the fate of a trip, one for which they personally gave publicity & put in a lot of effort. With all plans now uncertain, the prospect of having to face over a 100 puzzled passengers drains the enthusiasm out of that chirpy girl.

This photograph was taken in the airport bus on our way from the aircraft to the transit lounge.

While I say the glass is half full - meeting with all the RJ’s, the RJ’s themselves can’t help but see the glass as half empty for what were plans for a much-awaited party that suddenly went awry – just a snag from getting materialized.

I say Three Cheers to the presenters of HIT 96.7 fm for handling an unforeseen situation well.

World Cup Memories

2006-06-09T23:05:00.000+04:00

I am guessing lots of other bloggers will be posting articles related to the FIFA World Cup, and for that very reason I didn't want to post one myself. But anyway, I decided to write about the first thing that came to my mind when I was thinking of the World Cup in 2002, the one in Korea.

Well, it was the one with the CYBERGS. I watched some of the matches at Chicku's place, with the gang, the gang being Merls, Seema, Angela, Abid, Chicku, Sanil, Thaj, Derwi and occasionally Riaz. And I watched the finals at my neighbor, Sandhya's place.

Yeah, I don't have too many memories associated with world cup or football.

Men in formals

2006-06-02T00:56:00.000+04:00

I can’t begin to describe how handsome and appealing men are in formals. Neatly pressed shirts worn with a pair of perfectly creased trousers, spotlessly shining shoes, gel set hair on a clean-shaven face; they appear so well groomed, well mannered & chivalrous!! Yet they often set out to woo girls donning the latest in-trend casuals - jeans & tees in their scruffy macho look.

The first time I acknowledged Supin’s good looks was when I saw him in formals (I think for IT fest). Then again later on the farewell day for the 2001 batch, I got to see a lot of gentlemen.

Thanju’s always been the cute guy with flirtatious eyes and a smile that leaves no girl unaffected. For such a guy, I went beyond falling flat when I saw him in formals. Guys look so business-like, so much more handsome - their best in formals, I wonder how that is so.

In my opinion, Isaf is not so much of a good looker, but when I saw him all set for his interview last summer, I must say, formals did its wonders. What is it? Is it that they look smart or maybe intellectual? Perhaps, it’s the fact that they look more mature that appeals to me most.

Majority of the times I’ve met Supin at Burjuman center, he’s appeared in formals. But last Thursday when I met him he was dressed casually, which somehow didn't appeal that much. The rare occasions when I see Isaf in office attire, I like it better than his normal Adidas track pants, tees, shoes & shades. Thanju, the sweetheart, gets my full attention during his after-office visits rather than our frequent family meets.

Inverse Proportionality

2006-06-02T00:36:00.000+04:00

Law I:
My parents’ enthusiasm in marrying me off inversely proportional to my wanting to get married
Law II:
My wanting to get married inversely proportional to my appearance

Explanation:

Ironic to think that in 2004 when my parents were hell bent on marrying me off fast, I had other plans & marriage didn’t figure anywhere in my list though ‘getting rid of cellulite a.k.a fat cells’ did (which I believe I succeeded). Now I am, finally, in a mind-set to get married & my parents have almost frozen their groom-hunt.

I had lots of unresolved issues in ’04 and ’05. One of them was marriage. With lots of help from friends, books and mainly self-help I’ve succeeded in setting aside, though not casting away, my phobia-like fears about the whole thing. I believe I have adopted a healthier attitude towards marriage.

Now most of my issues are finally resolved and it’s like a huge weight lifted off my head. I feel genuinely happy, smiling more often like how I used to until a few years back. I also find myself dangerously ballooning to the brink of chronic obesity. Shortly ‘hideous’ will be a good adjective to describe me. I confidently say I can scare off any suitable proposals.

Inference: My happiness directly proportional to my worth in weight

My First Date

2006-05-28T21:44:00.000+04:00

Here I am, all dressed up, waiting for my date, Sam. Lowering my guard and letting myself be vulnerable once again. He seems perfect from the outside. He’s a perfect 5 feet 11, with a healthy looking body and killer eyes. Wonder how he turns out to be.

There he is, aw! With a cute bunch of daisies, that’s so sweet (Roses would have been a definite over kill). Me, a tinge nervous, we head off to ‘The Appleton Bistro’. That’s where he’s taking me today.

He talks nice; I am coming to really like him. And he’s genuinely happy to have me with him. Is it his eyes or is it the wine? One of them is definitely working on my senses.

Food is served and is good. I let Sam do the ordering for me and now as we speak of food, I now know we share common tastes. Food is getting tastier by the minute. Half the decision of what you eat is good or not depends on your company. If you are alone at a restaurant, food tastes like sawdust. If your company (be it friend, family or just anybody) is a sore talker, even gourmet meals can taste like feet. But if you have a great conversation going on, feet can taste like ‘Terrine de Poulet'!

We talked about so many things, from current affairs to the weather to sports (Thank God, only tennis!) to movies to family. One of the best conversations I’ve had in ages. I am not saying this coz he’s a good date. In fact what I like most about Sam is that he doesn’t fear my displeasure when contradicting or disagreeing with me. I like the fact that he didn’t patronize me, which would have been very phony.

I am so glad he’s a book person like me. We discussed Brown's ‘Da Vinci code’, Forsyth’s ‘Odessa file’, Crichton’s ‘Timeline’, Stephen King’s ‘Fire starter’ and even Mills&Boon’s!! Actually I was trying to convince him that it’s healthy reading the M&B’s of the 70’s & 80’s and definitely unhealthy reading those of today.

Dessert was ‘Tiramisu’ for me and ‘Crêpes Suzette with Raspberry sauce’ for him. Until now I was thinking that this date was going great and that it couldn’t get any better. That was until I learned that Sam played the guitar. I told him about my adoration for people who played the guitar. He said he’d play some favorites for me later someday. [So there is a ‘later’, that’s good!]

It was time for us to leave. I had work to get back to; otherwise I’d have wished this wouldn’t end...We took off from the bistro. On our way he said he had a wonderful time and couldn’t wait to do it again… the funniest part of it all was that he was holding my hands. Holding was fine; me letting him was the funny part. Coz I never let any one touch me. So I must really like this guy to be comfortable enough to let him take my hands in his. It was funny anyway and I couldn’t stop grinning once I realized that. He asked me why I was smiling like that, and I told him why. We had our first funny moment.

We reached my place & Sam walked me to the door, and asked me to wait for his call, which he added would be soon. Before he left, he gave a slight peck on my cheek.

That was a lovely first date, a near perfect!!

Disclaimer: The above article is a work of fiction, a sore attempt at creativity. The date, 'Sam' is fictitious, so is the ‘The Appleton Bistro’; Appleton – name of the guy in ‘Perfect Strangers’ and bistro coz John Grisham keeps using it in his books, moreover it somehow sounded classy! The daisies are from ‘You’ve got mail’. The ‘Tiramisu’ is from one of my countless luncheons with Nitin. And the rest of it is just words picked out from various books and sitcoms. But mostly importantly, my handicap is that I wasn't being realistic; like there is a guy with all the good qualities!!!! There, my first imaginary tale.

PS: would love to get feedback on my writing, you know, the tenses, narration and all. I think I've utterly failed trying to correct the narration.

Rush Rush

2006-05-28T21:29:00.000+04:00

I was trying to avoid writing about songs so often, coz I didn’t want to bore anyone with what I think about them. But I can’t help it that songs play an important part in that my mind has a way which links these songs with incidents, people and circumstances. Here’s one more of them, when I heard Paula Abdul’s ‘Rush Rush’.

I started hearing this song around monsoon 2002. I wasn’t the one who played it. Marilyn did – in the mornings, while we were all getting ready to go to college. I didn’t like that song at all. I think what put me off were the lyrics. Marilyn pointed out the excellent part in the song with the violin. It was good. But still the lyrics put me off so much that I couldn’t quite enjoy it. She was puzzled as to what in the lyrics put me off. I thought it was a love song. No, no, not like Boyzone’s ‘When you say nothing at all’ or Bryan Adam's 'Everything I do' kinda love; I got the idea that it was a lovemaking song [which I thought was gross for a song, a book its fine, not a song]!! Well it turned out that it wasn’t, that is, once Marilyn pointed it out to me. Well well, that was funny. Tsk Tsk. Ever since that song figures in my playlists.

Meaningless Accomplishments

2006-05-21T15:30:00.000+04:00

My bro’s going out of the country for his visa change in like a few hours from now, which all of us including my bro knew of only now. Kash has to collect his ticket at 4 from his head office in Bur Dubai and then report at Terminal 2 in Ghusais latest by 5 to catch the flight at 7:30. Now dad has to be there at his site at 5:30, so he can’t help in anyway. Now who’ll drive back the car my brother leaves at the airport? Me? I wish. At this very moment my license and me are invisible to everyone. I do not exist. Now that I wish were true. I can’t believe I don’t even qualify to be listened to. Who am I kidding, I can believe that, it's just that I am upset and I begin to wonder if at least an ounce of common sense resides in my dad’s and bro’s brains. I wish I could shove some common sense and reason down their throats.

I suggested that dad & bro exchange cars coz there was no way I could drive back bro’s rented car with the 1-year-old-license rule and all. They didn’t even listen to me; it was as if I were suggesting assassinating Kofi Annan.

Finally it got settled that one of my cousins would drop off Kashi. And if he had not been around, a cab would have been their ONLY other option. Now why did I get a license? Oh yeah, to drive myself around in my imaginary car whose loan I am paying back with the help of my imaginary job. That’s why.

I find new levels of exasperation as time passes.

PS: I don’t drive badly. Unfortunately the only ones who can vouch for me are the ones who don’t accept me.

And finally the bubble exploded!

2006-05-19T09:54:00.000+04:00

Yes, I was wondering when it would. After all, my dad and me just don’t get along, it’s a universal axiom. The last time we were at each other’s necks was in February, before which it was just a daily routine. O God, now I have to brace myself for the hurricane season that follows. No problem, I have more than sufficient ammo - hit him hard where it hurts, that’s my strategy. Yea, I am not cruel, but no one anymore gets away being cruel to me or my dear ones.

My Perfect Song

2006-05-17T19:11:00.000+04:00

I consider ‘Do Dil’ from the movie 'Pardes' a perfect song. Excellent composition, good lyrics, wonderfully sung by Kumar Sanu, no one could have possibly bettered him. With Shah Rukh playing the guitar (or was it a ukulele?) the song’s perfectly picturized. Some songs are very good, but when you watch it, the picturization is a complete let down, so much so that your liking towards the song itself decreases. Had I understood the lyrics of ‘Pehla Nasha’, it would have been a perfect song too. In spite of that, it remains in my favorites list.

Technicalities aside, I think what I like most about ‘Do Dil’ is that this song is so rich in memories, a kaleidoscope full of colorful memories… of a new beginning, of my first monsoon as a grown up (that is, if 15+ is so considered), my first time in a hostel, alongside many other first-timers, my first time away from home.

Oops, did I forget…also my first up-close experience with Julie (our hostel’s pet dog). Boy was I terrified by that innocent canine!

‘Do Dil’ covered a big chunk of my life, beginning with my friendship with Raji by borrowing her Walkman to hear this very song to relax after a sunny day outdoors cheering our football team in one of countless matches to teasing others over their crushes to listening to that song on our last day at hostel.

The instantaneous memories that ‘Do Dil’ trigger literally give me goose bumps…the very first note of the song reminds me of how, in the beginning, we girls and boys used to be shepherded from our respective hostels on Saturday nights to our school TV room (wherever that was) for our weekly chance to watch some TV. I guess it was some top-ten countdown show or something. This was until we got our own television sets in our hostel.

We were really freshers back then, having been there for hardly a month, watchful of our seniors, boys and girls equally. I can only recollect one of those TV trips when everyone was hovering by the TV to get a glimpse of what was going on. Since I was interested only in the songs, I sat back, and it amused me to watch my batch mates, treasuring this weekly luxury, that which was so taken for granted before. Watching my seniors was even more interesting. Deepu (sporting the Gupt-style sideburns which were the in thing then) propagandized to be the ‘Yaman’ or the ‘Kaalan’ of the freshers. Then there was Jeffy Anthrapier or Arthropod (or whatever the name be), with his sharp blue eyes, which he assumed made him special. Then there was Ashok Gopinath, always near Deepa Menon. The girls, Sheetal, Sherin, Remya Vishwanath (who can forget her) and the likes who spend hours in front of the mirror preening, just to impress the supposedly tough & macho lads. Then there was the dorm gang, the kiddos... Patricia, Nimmy, Megha, Pooja, Shaheen, Mosquito Ammu... O! How could I forget the Nepali Duo, Anoop Bandhari - the famous & popular football player and Gaurav Pradhan, his sidekick. I am sure I’ve missed out many of the other villains.

Years after school, I still love this song for the same reasons I fell in love with it a long time ago…

Whoever said Tuesdays are bad??

2006-05-16T21:46:00.000+04:00

Whoever said Tuesdays are unlucky? In fact, this day, Tuesday 16th of May’s probably is the cheeriest day of this month. Why? In the morning (though a much earlier one than I'd like) I was out on the roads of Dubai with dad, on my way to my class.

It’s a norm to listen to the radio while commuting/stuck in a jam. [More like a thumb of rule; if you are in the car, it’s wise you tune into any radio station so as not to affect your temper.] So here I was, out in the car, on a bright sunny morning, listening to the radio. I have the option of tuning into any of the 2 Mallu stations, 1 English & 3 Hindi channels. On an average day, all these channels taken together play like one good song every half hour. So if you are lucky, u hear like 5 good songs in an hour and the rest 45 minutes they play crap for music. But, you see, today though being a Tuesday, I got to listen to songs ranging from 'good' to 'very good' to 'my favorites' back to back !! And I spent a good 2.5 hours in the car.
I was high on songs this morning :D
Classes went along fine..after classes talked to Nijaz(1). On my way back home again many good songs.Back at home, am online right after lunch. Chat with Rafeeq(2), got a mail from Ann(3) into PB’s group which is the highlight of the day, chatted with Sankar(4). After a while I chatted with Nitin(5), which as usual was fun with the typos and all :D

Later on in the evening, actually while was typing this I get this personal mail from Marilyn(6), followed by a humour-filled chatting session with Fareeda(7) No No, Not over, now I finally have Jasniya(8) online right now :D

Not bad for a Tuesday, huh?

I communicated with 8 of my friends, of which only with 2 of ‘em I talk to regularly. Good day with friends…. Damn! Why did I forget to send Derwi his b’day e-card? Damn me!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DERWI!!

Speaking to so many friends in less than 24 hours, the lucky streak began yesterday evening when I chatted with another one of my old buddies from school whom I rarely see online. It was fun talking to Nidhi, though I must say, we couldn’t quite end our conversation coz I got abruptly interupted. I know you are reading this, Nidhi, am looking forward to finish that conversation ;)

The Bubble's Back!!!

2006-05-16T15:37:00.000+04:00

Yes, finally…I was wishing and hoping fervently for that anchor which was weighing down Ann’s heart to lighten up quickly. I am so happy that she’s back at last. O yes, this is the very same Ann who I referred to as 'in hiding'. She’s out of the closet now, in search of her ‘Ike Graham’. :D Way to go gurl… All my love to you.

PS: Ike's the character Richard Gere portrayed in 'The Runaway Bride'.

KRAZY Diary Entry: I

2006-05-12T20:42:00.000+04:00

There used to be a time when I used to wallow in self-pity…Ugh! I shudder to even think of it. Lately I've been putting those horrible moments of mine into words. Though my words reflect quiet the exact feelings I experienced then, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s how I feel now too, quite the contrary actually. Like I said, I am just reproducing it all in writing, a kind of purging, a weird cleansing ritual probably.

And then again, when I mention ‘time’ and any negative feeling together in conjunction with ‘feelings’ its got to be the period between July ‘03 and March’ 06. Coz whatever strong feelings I’ve experienced before that period has only helped make me, not break me.

Lets take it from the very beginning. My school days starting from 6th at IIS, Al-Ain, the time from when my memories are clear. The only unfortunate but silly incident that in any way marred my secondary schooling experience - the elections in the 9th grade. I was just a bit disappointed coz my friend Lavanya was coerced by our evil HM into playing rivals with me and the politics that went along with such situations…. My chicken pox break that followed the election rid me of any traces of disappointment and everything was back to normal. Moral: Silly incidents don’t affect friendships. She was fun; we used to discuss daily developments in ‘Knots Landing’, and it used to be fun. Hmm…wonder where she is now.

Higher Secondary Coed Schooling was indeed fresh air for me; rid of hypocrites for classmates, hostel life was the order of the day. It was tough, but the very foundation for me as a person. Yes my friends from college, you got me as I am coz of my BAV & hostel experience. Made the most of it :D

Entrance coaching was the junction where I found my spunk, my true spark for adventure; the reins to freedom, especially with a local guardian not too bothered to interfere.

College & hostel was very different from any idea I had in mind. First of all, I was expecting to live & mingle with my peers, not with a bunch of seniors (who definitely weren’t mean-looking). Once I became a denizen of that brand-new house with the bunch of eager seniors, I didn’t at once feel at home. Of course not, who would for that matter! And it took me time (3-4 months) to get used to the gurls and settle down comfortably, which of course was made swifter & easier by my roommate (Renjini) and my next-door neighbors (Sreeja & Hasna). But what I did know was that I was going to like this bunch of gurls, coz if my recollections are right, the morning of either the first day or my first Saturday there, coming down for breakfast I was greeted by an energy wave whose origin was a tall, smart gurl who goes by the name Ann J. Cheeran (currently in hiding), followed by Jasniya and Anila and the gang. The energy wave was powered by Fareeda’s Pentium II processor PC playing Wham!'s superhit ‘Wake me up before you go go’!! Though I thoroughly failed to impress them by joining them in their circle of energy dissipation (read dancing), I definitely warmed up to the idea of spending a good 2 years of my life with them. And thus began the making of me.

I knew seniors make good friend once the fresher-senior charade wears out. But I didn’t in my life think they’d turn out to be the best folks around, that they’d pamper me. For me attention was pampering, concern was pampering, being under a watchful eye was pampering. All this was new for me. With my elder bro & his introvert nature always a concern for my parents, with my second bro’s terrible home-sickness and constant eosinophilia and with my newly developed self-sufficiency after seeing what worries my parents had otherwise, I was not an object of their constant concern (not that I yearned for it). [But when all this turns into sibling rivalry and later into sibling over-dominance and sibling snubbing, it becomes a tab stifling.]

I have told my cousin brothers, ‘you don’t know how it feels to be left out, completely. Not unless you experience it yourself.’ And as a God’s gift or your unconscious wish being granted, you have not 1, not 2 but 11 sisters, pouring attention, pampering you. Probably that’s not was they feel about it, they probably just gave as much attention as they would have given others. The difference of feeling is coz I was so left out that throwing a dog-bone my way would make my day.

Motive: I am a tad cheerless at not being invited for the movie my bro & cousins went for. Note: no invitation , no entry.

His first love

2006-05-08T14:55:00.000+04:00

Finally met him in person after a long gap. Yes, the wedding boy - Supin's back from his vacation in India. His engagement had been of great mystery to me, coz one day I had messaged him when he was still in India,

"Hey ,whats up? No news from your side. Marriage/engagement already over? Take care. Enjoy."

That was meant to pull his leg. His reply stumped me,

"Engagement not over. It's hopefully on May 1st. I wud be returning back on the 5th so I shall give you the details then. Take care, bye for now."

After the initial shock wore off (coz of its suddenness), it just felt like a jigsaw puzzle. One where we had to figure out the places for each piece. Now I just knew he's getting engaged.

Today I met him and now I know his fiancee's name - Lakshmi; she's from Calicut, settled in Mysore, Dietician by profession. More pieces of the puzzle in place. Saw her pic, good looking, they make a good pair.

More of general talk
1)He said he told her that his car is his first love!

Buzzzz!!

He corrected, his car was his first love...the man's learnin fast, good for him :)
2)According to my pal, Lakshmi cooks well...mmm..the shortest way to a man's heart...Good going gurl!
3) He says ........

Blog entry interrupted by phone call.

Just got off the hook, a call from Supin which ended with him getting a call from...guess who?? Yup, Lakshmi it is :D I can't wipe of that silly grin off my face, very amused seeing him legally and officially tagged.

More pieces of the puzzle in place. Wedding date set on the 23rd of Dec 06 @ Calicut; She's 5'6" (TALL....hey my height!)

I guess thats about it.

Closure II: A Comeback from the Dead

2006-05-07T15:53:00.000+04:00

Come 2004, come 2005, Many things happen..life changing stuff take place, life crawls by…come 2006 and I cross my fingers for it to be good to me, kind to me. So far I can’t say much except that I‘ve attained closure. Closure on 2 fronts…jealousy and my forgiveness for my traitor friend. Complete closure.

Let's assess these past four months. I got to quit my job, one that din't make me happy. I took up driving classes (turning point??), got my license (yes, the much awaited turning point). Put on a hell lotta weight. Subtle change in the family front, finally going by the flow. Getting to drive the car once in a while, enough to make this absolutely-no-expectations person contend. No more being jealous over others’ good luck. I don’t know how he entered the picture, but no more being jealous of my cousin..And for what? For his well being. Again, no idea how he figures in this story. Not jealous of my nephew for him having a girlfriend, nor of him getting a lovely job.

Can’t say that I’ve become emotionless, of course I am envious. But that’s controllable. Pre-god-forsaken-place phase, I rarely got bothered by others’ good luck. One of the rare times was when I was envious of Jasniya’s love-exuding father, pampering her around the time of her engagement with Sajith. Now in 2006, I do feel pangs of envy, but isn’t it only natural? Like I envy Kashif, Isaf and Hamad for being able to hang out and go BBQ-ing in the weekends, while I can’t have the same fun with my friends or cousins (irrespective of gender).

Coming back to closure, I can feel the difference. I genuinely feel happy for others’ good fortunes. Nitin's recent success, I am happy. Supin's engagement, I am happy.

My traitor friend. With time, the betrayal incident had almost diminished and faded from my memory, but there was something about him that irked my unconscious. But I realized I had no more ill feelings for him when I met him online just the other day. After long, I was able to make a proper unbiased conversation; no more clipped sentences. I was actually discussing career stuff with him (that’s how we got acquainted in the first place).

Incredible! Your state of mind can do wonders. And that wretched hurl which caught me off guard and threw my career off track- I think I can see the track somewhere in the distance. I am moving towards it, I need to put some effort to get there; all I need is the reassurance that it is the right track. After so long, I have finally taken up a computer certification course, which I hope will help me.

The past few weeks helped me draw the curtains over a few dragging chapters. I am happy. So yes Divya, I do sound upbeat. I am donning the armor to redeem myself, to be my chirpy self once again.

Closure I: The Viral Attack

2006-05-06T14:52:00.000+04:00

I feel I’ve finally attained closure. Closure of what, one may ask..a lot of things I say.

Let me put it this way - ever since that wretched TCS Interview results in 2003, I have not known bounds to my new found jealousy. It started off with a mere jealousy, mind you its not envy, jealousy towards Thajeer for him getting the job & a whole lot of us not getting it. I knew I wasn’t qualified to get the job right after I finished my interview & I also knew that Thajeer was qualified and moreover deserved it. I was happy for him, but I was jealous of him too. I did voice it to him, hoping that would calm me, to which he said that once I get a job myself my mind would be soothed, so don’t worry, this isn’t forever. I half-settled at that.

Then came the hurricane over my well set life..I couldn’t pursue my career in the South Indian soil-viz B'lore. My parents badly needed to uproot me and bring me over to this desert where nothing grows unless you have a zillion years of experience or high-rank recommendations. I was jealous of 'em all who were lucky enough to even get a chance at finding jobs in B’lore. In fact everyone was getting jobs like fruit flies spotting fruit, even those of whom I felt were grossly under-qualified than me! How frustrating can that be?

Once I came to this desert (something I had then termed as a god forsaken place) I settled for a mediocre job, that too with no backing from parents, rather a friend helped me. Then came the next major dose of jealousness with Ann’s announcement that she’s going onsite to America for a few months. This time I wasn’t even very happy, coz I was considering her for a probable safety net in case life got impossible here. I was so jealous & upset that I couldn’t find happiness for my friend, my sister (for whom her career meant a lot), that I cut all my communication with my close friends, I knew my system couldn’t take more of other’s joys….

All this while I kept getting those ‘wanted Freshers s/w engrs’ forwards from everyone in our batch…never opened one of them, always deleted them, I couldn’t even stand the sight of those recruitment ads that kept coming in. How terribly messed up could I be.

At the same time, things din't seem to be going too good in the home front either, which was when I finally decided to bail out. The very next day after I took this decision, I was jolted by another quake - when I had called Seema to wish her a happy betrothal. Thankfully her upcoming marriage wasn’t an object of my jealousy, but speaking to Marilyn that night, I was informed of her too going onsite in a few days…the days that followed that shock, I don’t want to remember, I was heretic. She was my safety net, she knew it, but she got her calling. I couldn’t make her stay, which she might have (faint chances though); it would have been a crime equivalent to my parents uprooting me. I can’t remember much more of 2004 and I don’t want to revive any memories either. It was simply the worst year in my life.

2004 din't work well in many fronts, of which one was that I was coping very badly with the change of scene and jealousy and all. The other issue was that I lost a very good friend. That friend of mine cheated on me, or what that person did or didn’t do was being grossly unfair to me and importantly INSENSITIVE of that friend. That, I believe is my only bad experience with a friend. For all that I was going through, this person didn’t lift a finger in my support. I barely have any expectations of anyyone (a lesson for me when I lost my safety net), and especially of this friend coz of his nature, but I guess I was completely misled. I was hurt big time, but for a very short time, n short it was - 1.5 days. That's short considering that even after 1 year of residing in the god forsaken place, I couldn’t come in terms with my fate, of my parents foolish decision to bring me here, very much against my will. So 1.5 days is nano short. And considering I revere friendship as the most sacred relation, that Insensitive Twerp of a person wasn’t worth more than that. So that’s that.

Not too many have really irritated/affected me with their behavior. Shiney, my school batch mate; Raghu, my classmate from college; and this traitor friend. Their doings though, are of little significance in my life. But I can’t easily forgive serious offenders. My parents, for forcing on me their decision of bringing me here. My treacherous paternal cousin, for poisoning my mom’s mind and coercing her into dragging me here. [I got immense satisfaction in knowing that this very cousin suffered a bit when she learned that her own blood, her daughter was having a long going affair. I am not cruel by nature, but she hurt my life big time, changed the course of my life with her poison.]

Even though I couldn’t care less about my deceiving friend, I couldn’t quite forgive the person. You can’t call it vengeance, for the crime wasn’t too severe. But I simply couldn’t forgive the act of betrayal. Period.

Snatch!

2006-04-29T15:24:00.000+04:00

I finally watched the movie Snatch. I've been searching for a copy of that movie for about 8 months now and yesterday I finally found one with my cousin. No no, I wasn't looking for it to watch Brad Pitt (I couldn't care less about him), I was rather interested in watching a 'Guy Ritchie' movie. Once I got hang of the British accent, I completely enjoyed his other movie 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'.

Snatch runs on pretty much the same story line, with different kinds of characters, different loot, same casting, same interlocking scenarios. But it's just as good as 'Lock stock'...I managed to figure out the English accent, but this time my problem was following the Gypsy talk. Come on, even those Brits couldn't figure out what they were saying.

Expression of Happiness

2006-04-26T16:09:00.000+04:00

I am very thrilled by the response I am getting. Its exhilarating :D Thank you Divi and Gerry for your compliments, it will definitely keep me going. I am coming to realize that the readership is wider than just my immediate circle of friends.

Gerry, I really didn't think you'd be reading my blog. O yes, we've had hearty laughs seeing you run. It’s not bad, it’s just funny. Thank God I didn’t comment on your farewell party attire (I was tempted to). Don’t get me wrong, the bells were really impressive and what was more impressive was the fact that you fitted into your dad’s wedding suit [that’s what was rumored]. Once again, don’t get me wrong, you were one of the best-dressed guys that afternoon…and didn’t you win the Mr. Adarsha title that evening??

I still can’t get over the compliments – ‘impeccable’. Wow! After all, the copious amount of books I’ve read and reread have to have some impact. But call it modesty or not, I believe I’m just mediocre. I am really impressed by Nijaz’s talent for words. He has a way with words, just as good as his way with gurlz. If he hadn’t a lot of projects in his plate at any given time, we’d have seen more of his work in his blog.

Oops! I got carried away...I guess I am very happy today. What more, I got to drive all the way from Burjuman Centre up to my place in Sharjah. Of course, dad was there beside me, but the fact that he's letting me drive almost every alternate day is in itself encouraging. We are going visiting in Ajman this evening, let me try my luck :D

Kuch Kuch Hota Hain

2006-04-18T11:56:00.000+04:00

Listening to ‘Tum pass aye’ from the movie KKHH…This song brings back memories, very precious memories, not strong, but something thats very dear to me...

I saw this movie…No, WE saw this movie during our Annual Hostel Outing (sponsored by Mr. Vasudevan Pillai) when we were in our 12th. I can even remember the day & date, 7th November 1998, a Saturday; we were having Maths special class at school, which we hostellers got special permission to attend just the first half. Jenny Miss was our teacher, a sweet lady. When she dismissed us girls to go for our outing, Nidhi all relieved, mistook it for the end of session for the whole class, and we hostel girls had a good laugh over it.Thinking of it amuses me even now.

We - Raji, Divya and myself were a gang. We were a great trio at school, hostel and the much-famed Mess Hall. Our gang didn’t have fancy names like ‘The Bubbles’ or anything, we were good enough as we were, adventurous, fun loving, fun seeking, mischievous.

We were all so excited to go out together, watch the movie together, the hit diwali movie of the year, a Shah Rukh-Kajol movie, one with a totally new outlook, one about friends. Yes, that was the highlight of the movie.

While this song was playing in the movie, we were holding hands and wishing that our friendship should last forever and for always, for we were best friends among each other and were about to part ways in a few months.

The movie had a love triangle. It’s ironic to think that back then, with the Raji-tug between Divya and me (a friendship triangle), the more obvious ties didn’t last in the long run with me now having virtually no contact with Raji (!!!!!) while I do exchange an occasional mail with Divya once every few months. Despite the differences of opinion I have with Raji, she will always have a special place in my heart, my first real friend, my best friend for years. And Divya, though more than once while in school I had thought I probably wouldn’t correspond with her much after school, both of us grew beyond our age and the few times I met up with her were really memorable. I know she's very dear to me.

Funny that while in school we used to squabble over who would get to wish ‘happy birthday’ first to the other, and whose greeting card would be read first, whose friendship band would remain longer. Now even though their birthdays are etched in my memory, we don’t send birthday cards, new year greetings, not even the very impersonal e-cards. Frankly, those days aren’t special anymore, at least not as sacred as they used to be. But regardless of all that, whenever (not often, but not never) I think of them, I am surrounded by a hundred fond memories.

Our mess hall events (countless events), our ’99 New Year celebrations amid model exam preps, lots of incidents revolving football (Anoop, Nidhi, Gerry’s funny running, and many more of ‘em), Our farewell preps for our seniors, our juniors giving us a farewell party, the preps for that- the dresses, the guys' attire, Juniors singing ‘Mustafa Mustafa’ in the end, our photo session upstairs after the party, our almost failed attempt at semi-ragging Divya Ravindran (Nidhi’s pyare sis :D ) which reminds me of ‘Phoolon ka taaron ka’, Savitha’s ‘Don’t ask me’ Medicine, Biji Miss, Our old (read senile) Warden, the thousand Wondercakes Raji bought weekly which we’ve all consumed, her 1-pound ‘Thirunelvelli Halwas’, Divya’ Mint chocolate (8 o’clock) – I liked it but the other 2 didn't, Our Fanta drinking adventure which I sponsored after the Inter–School Football Tourney, Our thermos flasks and our tea breaks which finally ended with Divya’s flask breaking, which further initiated her Greeting card business, Divya introducing me to the wonderful world of fiction Novels- Daniel Steele, Sidney Sheldon, Robin Cook. Anybody remember 'Akiko'? Divya giving us Classified info she reads from books, parting Autograph/Slam-book writings…….there are just too many of those ….Sometimes painful coz reminiscing those I realize all those will never be recreated, I can never live it again. As I always claim, I was very lucky to get great friends for a sound foundation, for now I have built a wonderful set of friends. Though the base (mainly Raji and Divya) is not visible in the periphery, their influence has been nothing short of excellent.

Divya, Raji, this one’s for you, to let you know you guys still mean a lot to me.

License to 'Houlahoo'

2006-04-10T20:46:00.000+04:00

Yup, I finally started going for driving classes in the beginning of
March, after waiting almost 2 and a half years. And I passed the final road test on 9th April. I'll get my drivers' license tomorrow hopefully. But what now? Why do I feel it all so meaningless , just as meaningless as the word 'houlahoo'?

Now that the initial excitement's wore off, I am coming to realize that this achievement is only good to frame in my showcase, just like my engineering degree. I won't get a chance to use it, not in this country as long as I stay with my parents or bro. I realized that I am going to face the exact situation as when I got my Indian license (IL). Its more than 5 years since I got my IL, and I must have driven 400 metres, mind you its metres, not kilometres. Yes yes I could sense that my bro n my dad were just as happy as my mom when I told them I passed the test, but I can already sense their reluctance to let me sit behind the wheel. They'll let me drive only in their presence, and that too maybe for a maximum of half an hour. But that's not why I took the license.

Deja Vu...if I don't get to drive, the whole point of waiting for 2.5 years here is itself lost. I waited so long so that my utter disappointment & hopelessness of not getting a chance to drive in India would wear off.

I hope its just the imagination of an overly tired mind. I hope this means loosening of one more noose around my crippled life here. Road to partial freedom??

The Telepathic Hug

2006-03-21T00:20:00.000+04:00

How many times when you are filled with sorrow or surrounded by happiness and excitement have you wished you had your friend to give a hug, a bear hug at that? A zillion times in my case.

Many a time, during my college life when my heart used to weigh down, have I sought comfort in the ‘hug’. All my foster sisters were good at those spirit-raisers. In particular I remember after one marathon waterworks session, which failed to cease even with the help of my pillow, I asked Sreeja to give me a hug. It was such an emotional pick-up for me. Hugs, they indeed do wonders to the heart.

I even remember hugging a stuffed toy dog Vidhu got from her Xmas friend (a life-sized Pommeranian, something she eventually gave me) & Marilyn’s ‘Huggable’ teddy bear, a really cuddly fluorescent green teddy she was gifted by Abid. The teddy was a thing of comfort for a whole lot of us hostellers.

What if no one’s around? That’s when the imaginary hug comes into action. Back to my college days, one ever-huggable person was Abid, and would have done so had the ‘rules of life’ permitted to, maybe Derwi too. I’ve couriered lots of hugs via e-cards & e-mails to my overseas friends like Vidhu, Marilyn, Sreeja, Angela.

Of late for the support lent to me - sometimes as a troubled soul, other times for humoring me & my fanciful imagination, I’ve hugged them in my mind to show them how well they mean to me, how I value their listening to me, how they boost my morale sometimes even unknowingly to them. This is what I’ve termed the ‘telepathic hug’, for I wish for them to know it while it happens. Marilyn, Supin, Isaf and Thanju, just to let you know in case you haven’t got my telepathic hug. What stops me from the actual hug is either distance-bound constraints or that it explicitly states in the book on ‘rules of life’. Thanju, remember ‘Rules 2’? ; -P

Mmm..Funny that the hug factor never even crossed my mind with my other set of friends who too are great pillars of my sane life – my classmate friends. Maybe coz I consider them at par with me and the hug is for those whom I look up to, an exception being Thanju who’s a good 3 years my junior.

There’s one more hug I cherish a lot. When that pair of arms, small yet strong, wrap around me, you suddenly feel the world’s once more a lovely place filled with love, happiness & innocence. My niece, Janaina, she gives the best of hugs a 5-year old can give :D My hugs to her too….

'King of Pop' Glory

2006-03-20T23:54:00.000+04:00

So every once in a while we keep reading in the papers that Michael Jackson may soon be recording another album. How many of you are disgusted by the idea or go ‘no not that freak again in the tabloid again?’

And how many of these same people used to listen to his songs – Thriller, Black or White, Bad, Heal the World? Let me remind you that when Channel [V] introduced the ‘artist of the month’ feature sometime in the mid 90's, MJ was crowned their very first artist of the month, with captions like ‘King of Pop’ - something that everyone indisputably agreed.

True that I too couldn’t stand his antics & watched his downfall with a disapproval shake of the head, but isn’t it only fair to give that guy a second chance, after all he was indeed the king of pop?

My comfort zone

2006-03-16T22:06:00.000+04:00

The ‘Aqua’ mini mart, attached to the new Enoc petrol bunk that opened recently. It’s just a stone’s throw away from my place. When I feel the need to indulge, I go there shopping (subject to the depth of my wallet, of course), normally a snack & a drink along with the day’s copy of ‘gulf news’. The 3-inch thick paper of which it’s only the main paper and the sports supplement & the tabloid that interests me.

The best part of the tabloid’s the quick crossword puzzle, the Sudoku & the latest of the lot that’s caught my interests : ‘Kakuro’…none of these being good places to vent your frustration, but extremely good means to distract the mind, with the brain activity diverted, I think it’s as good as yoga (not that I’ve tried a hand at that). With a choice of 3 puzzles to solve, you don’t realize how time flies.

Aqua certainly brings tranquility to my ever-perturbed mind.

My Shopping List

2006-03-15T20:25:00.000+04:00

My cousin’s on a weeklong break visiting his family in Delhi.
He messaged me,

‘Anything you want from here?’

My reply,

‘Just a box of mom’s migraine medicine – “Vasograin”.’

In retrospect, I should have replied,

‘Yea, a box of the famed Nattu’s cashew barfi, a pair of those new lovely long earrings that’s the rage now. A booster shot of high morale and a donor for a *** *********** ********* - a considerate one at that. And maybe some pills for preserving sanity.’

Under the Weather

2006-03-05T12:10:00.000+04:00

December 31st, The last day of 2005.

I decided to revisit some of the elements that might one day change the course of my life. They very well had set the course..just awaiting the change.

The 2 elements: Shiji, my colleague/friend/confidante from Lunad. More importantly, my first married friend. I went to Lunad to meet her & also Madhavi, but she was busy with pagination and all. Our rendezvous was good as always.

After meeting Shiji, I headed to Bur Juman to meet the 2nd element, Supin. It was a long time since we met, moreover we hardly ever managed to speak for more than 13 seconds (superstitious??!!) thanx to our erratic work hours. So we decided to catch up over lunch.

I reached quite early for our lunch, so to kill time I went window shopping . I was browsing @ Magrudy's and I came across a 'Michael Moore' book. I can't quite remember the title, I think its 'Dude, where's my country?'. I read an official looking page right in the beginning of the book, a letter from the CIA!! I decided I had to read that book. It was hilarious.

And then it was 1 o'clock & I finally met Supin. Its always nice to meet a close friend of yours. Here in the UAE, its either Supin, Nitin, Nijaz or Shiji (the latest of my friends). That day I was meeting 3 out of the 4.

Comparing diet notes with Supin while he munched away his fried chicken and I waited for my pita bread sandwich. Checking who had a busier work schedule and whose social life was sorrier. After exchanging notes & summarizing the year that thankfully whizzed away (what with the heart wrenching drama & penny pinching weeks and all I was constantly under the weather), it was time to leave.

Though it was just an hour long, it sure was good. I guess that happens with good friendships. For instance, though the only communication between Shruthi n me is through Nitin, when I meet her in person in India, it feels like we're always connected. That happens through time. This time it was something Supin said that hit home, something even many people would overlook. It felt good anyway.

Now I set out to meet the 3rd friend, Nijaz. I was waiting at the bus depot for the bus that never seemed to be coming. It was a long wait, but I found it extremely refreshing, for I was listening to a soothing song over the radio (instinctively I started recording it). I got hooked to it instantly & played it all the way till the doorsteps of my friend's place. The song said something about rain and getting soaked to the skin.

Apart from the song the other refreshing element while at the depot was the weather - cloudy & windy. It was fantastic, with the perfect breeze that brings a pleasant chill to the atmosphere, the light sprinkling of raindrops where you don't need to scamper to get under a cover. Altogether it was a perfect ambience that complemented a lousy year; the perfect ending to a far-from-perfect year. In fact, December 31st 2005 was the best day the year, for my soul & for my body.

What sheer coincidence that the song I got hooked to that evening was connected to rain. Even more coincident is the title of the song which I learnt about just a few weeks back...its called 'Under the Weather' & the artist is KT Tunstall

Rain in Dubai, Picture time

2006-03-04T21:01:00.000+04:00

It was my mom's b'day on 24th Feb. That day being a Friday, it started off with an early-for-a-weekend morning drive through the city which is a norm for us. What wasn't norm were the rainclouds that visited the coast. For some, the rain was awesome, while for others it was awful, what with the havoc it created in a city completely unprepared for any kind of rain. For me, it was awesome. For my mom, that was the first gift of the day from us. For my dad, it was photo time.

The picture above was taken at the Mamzar Corniche.

Here I am posting a few photoes I took that day. Keep in mind it was raining while I was photographing & the pictures were taken with a minimum amount of fuss inorder to protect my un-waterproofed digital camera from the rain. I was using my mom's dupatta to shield my digicam.

I am pretty pleased by the outcome. Let me know what you think.

Now you know what I meant about my dad :)

Mom & Dad in one frame...A rare picture..a good one too :)

The smell of rain

2006-03-04T19:30:00.000+04:00

In the wake of the recent rains we had here in Dubai, the cogs of my brain took a different turn; here's all about rain.

I've heard many people living here in this desert reminiscing about rain and the smell of wet mud that emanates with the first showers of the season. Everytime I hear them say that I used to go, "Ugh! It definitely is not what you'd call fragrance." This was before I went to India for further studies.

After 6 years of monsoons & scores of rain baths in Kerala, my olfactory senses too picked up a liking for that earthy fragrance..yes I use the term 'fragrance' for even if the odor isn't all too pleasing, the memories it brings back are pleasant. Now I know why the elders loved the atmosphere after the first rain. I yearn for those times when I lived a care-free life, surrounded by friends and loved one , playing with the rain, singing with it (my song mate being Marilyn).

One particular ocassion I remember very clearly, one of my best times with rain: After FE-II exam in first year, Shruthi n myself were on our way out of the campus after the exam at Siberia (in CUSAT, not in Russia), we were walking. It started raining cats & dogs, and in spite of the umbrellas we were carrying, we got drenched (minus our heads) in seconds. Both Shruthi & yours truely having been the devils we were, decided out of a whim to get completely drenched. Enjoying the rain, chatting & singing away to glory pretty much the way you see in movies, minus the dancing of course, we had a ball of a time. Seniors must have thought,"Freshers...Gulf-NRI's...having their go at rain-fun."

I think that was the beginning of voluntary drenching. Wonderful start. Then there were countless encounters in the terrace of our hostel, with all the privacy we could ask for, it was sheer bliss. Then there were rains under our much loved hangout, our tharavaadu - the cycle shed, even bike rides in the rain, that was jolly good. The trip from Port Trust was one of those.

Rain reminds me of an era of eternal bliss that used to soothe my soul, an era long gone.

Letter Power

2006-03-03T17:35:00.000+04:00

I just finished a round of SCRABBLE with dad. After getting terrible tiles 3 times in a row, for this game I wished for a good set of tiles. While during my unlucky streak I got clusters of I's or E's along with useless letters like V, L & C; this time I got a Q, Z & a Joker at the start of the game and it was my chance to start. While I usually love getting high scored tiles, during my unlucky streak it was a terror getting the Q without the mandatory U or any Jokers.

It was damn frustrating to get 3 R's & an I when I had exchanged them for the excess 2 I's & 2 R's I had. Today I was exhilarated getting really good tiles, all the 4 S's at regular intervals, the K which came rite on time so that I could keep 'knived', even the X I got in the lee end of the game came with E, I & T as in to form 'exit'.

I must say, my dad kept his cool & played as well as he could with the tiles he got. Though I won by over a 100 points, dad didn't complain about his draw of tiles, something which I'd do. On that note, I must add that I should learn not to whine about my tiles anymore, it's more graceful...

Chaos

2006-02-27T21:21:00.000+04:00

Visited the Indian Consulate today to get my Indian drivers' license attested. Entering the premises gave me the feel of entering a typical Gulf-based Indian building, with fancy but inexpensive yet not modern looking lighting fixtures, mosaic floorings...

The moment I set foot in the attestation section, I could smell chaos and I was flooded by my memories of queueing up in our banks back in Kerala. [I am fortunate enough to say that I've only had to step in the banks and my college university offices. My good luck spared me from having to go to any other government buildings in India during my 6 year stay there.]

Back to the consulate, no indication/direction whatsoever of queueing, or for any of the attestation procedures for that matter. People entering the room, head straight to what seems to be a counter of some sort, while people waiting in the Q feel the unfairness & voice their discontent...where else but in Indian grounds do you experience this.

Waiting in that tiny room/hall considering the number of people coming in, one tends to get claustrophobic. Virtually no air circulation, partially coz of the crowd. Thank God it's not summer. It would have been a total mayhem. Having got my job done I felt relieved when finally stepping out of that chaotic mess of a place.

Chicken soup for my soul

2006-02-14T08:45:00.000+04:00

Songs, definitely chicken soup for my soul.

Some make me smile, some make me ponder, while others help me cry. Some of them send me blasting back to the past, others make me wonder about the future. Sometimes, they simply lull me to sleep. But I must warn, a few of them irritate me too. Some remind me of my fun days-college days; others remind me about my dear friends.

Some time at night on the 10th of Jan '06 (technically speaking, on the 11th), we (kith n kin who gathered together in Umm-Al-Quawin for Eid) all had this wonderful singing spree, a real jamming session. It was probably the first time since leaving college that I sang so much , with so much rigour n passion..aaw it was wonderful.

While in college we had this 'awesome gang of music lovers', complete with on-the-spot tabla n drums n what not.. myself, Shruthi, Prashant, Vishnu, Sankar, Ratheesh just to name a few. Those days we used to sing so much...gone are those days.

Nowadays I don't even hum a bit. So it was quite a session we had on that night, I think we covered just about every song that I knew. Thanx guys for that opportunity. In particular, Faiz for bearing with me :P n Thanju for singing my favourties :)

It really was much-needed chicken soup for my music-starved mind.

Valentine's

2006-02-13T20:20:00.000+04:00

Aaah! Another one of those valentine days approaching, yet this is the first time even that I yearn for some companionship. Yep, you heard me right.

TAGGED!! :D

2006-02-08T10:10:00.000+04:00

It took me some time to realize that I'd been tagged :D Tubelight:D

Thanx for tagging me. It means more things to blog about..it happens to be topics of high interest, things that I was thinking of writing about sometime. Tagging, the catalyst!

So here goes....
I got tagged by NIJAZ (Founder of Krazistan)

Total volume of music on my computer: somewhere between 17-20GB

Title & Artist last bought: 'Parineeta' (Hindi) & 'Udayananu Thaaram' (Mallu) , I normally manage to get English songs from my friends, so never need to buy one.

Song I am playing right now:
1. If you weren't mine by Daniel Bedingfield
2. Another wonderful song I first heard and recorded onto my mp3 player on Dec 31st, 2005; it goes something like this:

Under this ???? raincloud,
I'm getting soaked to the skin
Tryin to find my umbrella
I dunno where to begin
And simply irrational weather
I can't even hear myself sing
Constantly bailing out water
Still feel like ??????????
Coz I'm under the weather
Just like the world so sorry to be so bored
When I turn out the light u're out of sight
Although I knew that I'm alone
It feels like...feels like home.

Songs I have been hooked onto: you don't want me start off with that...I am the master of hooking onto songs for ages.

1. Khamosh Raat : Thakshak
2. Thoovennila : An unreleased album by some of our ex-CUSATians, one of whom is my friend (thats how I got hand of the album in the first place).
3. You were always on my mind: Willie Neilson (did I get the name right?)
4. I Love You : Martina McBride (OST Runaway Bride)
5. Breakaway : Kelly Clarkson
6. 100 years : Five for Fighting (commendable lyrics!)
7. Runaway: The Corrs (the remix)
8. American Pie: Don Mclean
9. Heaven: Bryan Adams (unplugged)
10. When Love & Hate Collides: Def Leppard
11. O Gosh my ranting....this list to be continued

As for tagging I think I'll take my 'kousins in the uae' blog. Its a team blog. Apparently its almost dormant, so to bring back some life to it, I guess this should work.

PS: Could anyone tell me the name of the song I mentioned above along with its Artist??Pleeeeeeezzz

Dreamzz!

2006-02-07T09:15:00.000+04:00

You are in a shopping mall or at the local funfair & you thought you heard your 'posted-in-the-US' friend's voice? You take a glance at that person, nah..it's not him and you go back to what you were doing. And again you heard him, that familiar chuckle of his. This time you take a closer look - Viola! It is him!!

Of all places, that too in Dubai, he got 'this' crowded mall to do his gold shopping...man. Me & buying gold, that in itself is a rarity..on top of that to meet a long lost friend, talk about coincidence!! Well, thats how I met Thajeer standing right next to me at Alukas Jewellery @ Lulu Hypermart, buying a gift for his fiancee who by the way was with him.

Thajeer, who was on his way back to Kerala from his US posting, dropped in at Dubai to meet his other half, about whom no one had any clue about anyway (except for may be Abid). I don't think even in his dreams he thought he'd meet me..talk about running out on luck.hee.. hee.. Congrats to Thaj & his gurl, Haseena.

Boomerang

2006-02-03T23:45:00.000+04:00

Sometime last year, I tried a hand at hunting. I was terribly inexperienced; ill-equipped too. But I was kind of desperate, forced to find a game immediately. Hence the trial.

With all the ammunition I had, I ventured through the edge of a thick forest. Cowardly as I was, still staying at the edge, I spotted an innocent looking creature and took a shot (felt quite guilty too).

Bang!! Guess what, I missed..it was kinda close. Was it relief or disappointment? I couldn't quite figure it out.

That was last year. It felt bad. I swore I would never do that again, never.

Ever since, I was curious about the inhabitants of the jungle. Let my guard down a tad, started walking about in the forest, wary all the time of being lost - exploring. Few days ago I came across the very same game I had once taken aim at, this time I know I can take it IF I wanted to. Talk about a bolt in the blue. The boomerang I had thrown exactly one year ago.

So do I take it or not? But I really don't want it. Since this past year, I came to realize what actually I came looking for. Its so not the creature I once had in my cross-hair. But ultimately, it is 'game', I too will cross the finish line, but is this the stuffed head I want hanging in my den? No its not. I hope it never will be. I hope I stick to my wish-list.

What does it take?

2006-01-29T08:36:00.000+04:00

Another Sunday morning, the much dreaded commute to work even before the sun shows up. Fortunately, the wait for the bus not made worse by the gale that was blowing the life out of me all of the past week. And for once I didn't have to wait more than 7 minutes for the bus to turn up. Comfortably seated, as usual praying fervently that my travel-sickness (my travel buddy) doesn't appear. Mmm..the commute isn't so bad today (Thank God), mediocre songs from the speakers above (which normally I curse as it plays deafeningly loud & terrible songs).

Hey, what was that, a familiar pleasant song...the title track from "Kal Ho Na Ho", one of Sonu Nigam's best. Automatically I start tapping my finger, swaying to the music, enjoying...I could also see someone else doing the 'drums with his knuckles', so much for good music. The song brought a nice smile to my face. Felt good.

As I was walking from the drop off point, the pleasant weather, reminded me of 31st Dec, 2005 (the best day in 2005 , in every sense), and I was humming the song all the way to my office...For a normally grouchy-early-in-the-morning person, all it took me to feel good inside was a simple, lovely song.